Many tales.....
When I was a young howling_mad, I had many amusing experiences at (secondary) school:

1. My year 7 maths teacher who couldn't speak proper english (she was of the indian persuasion), favourite phrases from her include: "7 times 7 is 47", (when someone happened to have fallen off their chair and ended up sitting on the floor): "why you downstairs ?", and another (usually when talking about fractions and was using as an example): "you take a nice big yum-yum cake", and finally (when talking about rounding numbers up): "if it's 5 and a bow" (as in taking a bow or bowing).

2. Mr Walsh (another maths teacher, he never taught me, but almost everyone called him 'The Walshenator'), he had this unique talent for being both scary and funny at the same time, he had a fairly deep voice and when the room was quiet you could hear him breathing like darth vader (as it seems alot of really overweight people seem to do). The funniest memory of him that stands out in my mind was the time he was looking in on my maths class through the little window in the door, and a relatively new guy sitting at the back, pointed at him, and said out loud: "Ah! A monster!"

3. Another maths teacher (this time my year 8 maths teacher). His main personality traits were having a notoriously short fuse and (when pissed off) a very loud voice, which frequently summoned the teacher in the class room directly above us down to have a good yell. The funniest thing I remember about him is the time where he ended up taking a lesson in the textiles teacher's room, and the class annoyed him so much he started headbutting the white board, he headbutted it so hard it came off the wall!

4. My year 8 science teacher, who had the same personality traits as my year 8 maths teacher apart from the whiteboard headbutting. In a single 50 minute lesson, he once managed to send out half the class for talking and being loud (his average in a lesson was anything between 2 and 6). Normal in-class activities there included him banging a meter rule against his desk shouting 'I can make noise too!", him prowling around the classroom and sending anyone who so much as squeaked, him shouting/bellowing: "Get Out!", us answering the register in funny voices, my personal favourite was the army-style "Sir, yes sir!", and me and someone else holding up funny signs in class that said things like 'U R gay!" and "shut it buttmunch!".

5. My year 9 to 12 maths teacher, now me and him never got on from the start and this showed more and more as time went on, one time during a year 10 or 11 maths class, i managed to give him the finger for most of the lesson before someone else in the class pointed me out (for those wondering how i did that, rest your chim on your hand facing your intended target, only have your middle finger raised, and rest your chin on your remaining fingers).

6. My german teacher in years 8 and 9 was actually german and was easy to annoy, combine these 2 facts with almost any class and you're guaranteed a few laughs. Funny things we did in class included writing '2 world wars and 1 world cup' on the front of our exercise books, and putting our hands up in class and saying random german phrases, my 2 personal favourites were: "mein hamster hat kopfschmerzen" (translation: "my hamster has a head-cold") and "ich mag pastete" (translation: "I like pie"). Now things like this happened just about every lesson and to vastly varying degrees (one person in another of his classes answered the register by doing the nazi salute and saying 'heil hitler!' I believe said person was suspended on the spot) but I was one of only 2 people to have infuriated him enough to get an after school detention (for excessively showing off my impression of either a seal or a walrus).

7. This one is something my older brother witnessed, in his geography teacher's classroom, the tannoy speaker's volume dial had been broken off, and it was stuck at maximum volume, this obviously made lessons hard to teach, and it culminated in him shouting "If I had a knob I'd screw it back on!".

8. Fast forward a few years and I was then doing my AS/A2 levels, where in my free periods that I actually tuned up to (ones that were scheduled as the last lesson on the day I always bunked, I was famous for it, in that I never got caught, and one time I even went right past the headmaster on the way out, he didn't bat an eyelid but I digress) were usually at around the same time as morning break for the primary school right next to us, and one kid could do a PERFECT impression of a police siren, and many a-people at least snigger.

I could put in some sexy (but also considered amusing) stories of certain incidents at my secondary school but that would make this post hella long.

Length? 7 years I spent at that secondary school.
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 22:26, Reply)