I don't think I can do this story justice... but I'll try anyway
As I sit here laughing my fat arse off at how funny this was at the time, I just know you won't get it.

Like most schools, they separated us into smart and dumb. They split us up into alphas and betas... I kid you not, it was all very Brave New World.

Anyway, at some point in the last two years of school they let the betas come study with us (the smart kids) for certain subjects where they could keep up...

One being Art the other being home economics... you know, practical skills because the beta's could be quite good at those sometimes...

Anyway - we had art, two classes all mixed with the boffins and the cool kids, but they only had one teacher as ours had had some sort of emotional breakdown and not bothered to show up.

The classes were joined by a small corridor with store cupboards on either side, so they let the wettest, most elderly little old lady art teacher watch us both.

She concentrated mainly on her own class and left us to it, which looking back was probably a fairly basic school boy error.

We have a paint, paste and clay fight of epic proportions. Shit flew everywhere, everyone had the giggles and nobody was prepared to declare a ceasefire under any circumstances... the floors and walls were covered in all sorts.

We heard the door go to the other room so we all chilled for a second or two and pretended that everything was completely normal, as this little old lady wandered through to survey the carnage.

Only, she didnt get that far, as she slipped and fell backwards on a massive puddle of paste and landed with a thud in the rest of the crap. This was funny in itself but then she tried to get up.

She looked like a little new born deer trying to stand for the first time on ice. It was excellent. Her little frail old lady legs that were pretty doddery at the best of times were now slipping all over the place.

Eventually, with absolutely no help at all from any of us, she managed to get a grasp of a drawer top and dragged herself upright -still skidding and slipping all over.

At this point we thought we were dead. It was obvious what had been going on, and suddenly the rooms atomosphere changed from a group of 30 odd kids trying to stiffle so many giggles that their stomachs hurt to prisoners of war realising that their time is up.

But then, a miracle happened. "Ooh" she said "thats a bit dangerous" and slipping and sliding a little she walked back into her own room and didnt come back.

I nearly wet myself for the second time at school that day (the first being my first day at a new primary school, where that bitch Mrs Seeter wouldnt let me go to the loo), and it really was my lasting memory of a time in my live that for the most part, Id rather forget.

I wish I could remember her name... and I wish I could do the story the justice it deserves.

It really was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.
(Kaplaaah Wasting time on the net since 1994., Sat 31 Jan 2009, 10:09, Reply)