It was the last lesson
and I was begging the teacher to let me go for a pee. For some reason she didn't want to let me go but I was bursting and kept on pestering her, I was 8. Eventually she relented and I ran to the loo ripped my zip off and let loose just in time.

When I finished I realised that I had literally ripped my zip off, my postbox was wide open and there was no way I was going to be able to hide it. My pre-pubescent mind conjured up images of the girls pointing at my crotch and laughing (suprisingly this came true much, much later) and the boys saying that I was a poof and bullying me till I qualified for a bus pass. I felt the panic rising, I'd lose any cool and friends I had. I couldn't go back to class.


Then I got my brainwave. There was only 10 minutes of school left, I could leave now, hide somewhere for 10 minutes and then sneak home and no one would be the wiser about my gaping trousers.

I rushed down the corridors, creeping ninja-like past the doors until I was out of the school and hiding behind the bushes at the far end of the playing fields. There I waited for exactly 10 minutes and sauntered home, pleased with my near miss.

I sneaked into the through the back yard and strolled home as nonchalantly as I could. This was the scene I walked in on:
My mum in tears being comforted by a WPC
My dad handing photos of me to another officer
A woman from social services talking my siblings.
A police car and a dog van parked outside the window.

It seems that my absence was noticed. When I didn't come back from the toilet, my classmates were sent to fetch me. When they couldn't the school went on full red alert. The only thing they could think of was that some pedophile had sneaked in and whisked me away and was probably rogering me sensless already.

Hence the police response and my parents being told that "there's a good chance he's alive". I tell you after the punishment I got I would have actually preffered being rogered by a nonce.
At school they didn't get the full story of my escape and the kids assumed that I ran out just because I was bored, which actually enhance my cred. So my plan did actually kind of work.

Edit: just realised, did anyone check Maddie's zips?
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Mon 2 Feb 2009, 18:31, 2 replies)

Haha
Click for Maddie's zips. :D
(Martin1337 was trying and failing to be funny at, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 20:21, closed)

Really?
You'd vanished for 10 minutes and the police arrived already?

See, what I'd've expected is that (a) noone'd notice, and (b) the police'd say that the chances were you'd just decided to go home.

I smell fabrications.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:45, closed)