Dildo.
This story happened just 4 years ago. As usual everybody was bored, standing around the yard at break when suddenly one mate (I shall call him L) produced a dildo from his bag. Being 15-16 and in a North Liverpool Comprehensive, the best use of this was obviously to hit people with it. So L ran around the yard hitting unsuspecting students with his dildo. 'Twas funny. Then another mate (let's call him P) had a much better idea. P took the bright pink dildo from L and waited by the door of the Humanities block for possibly the oldest teacher in the whole school to come out.

You can probably predict what happened next - and you'd be right! He took a run-up, clouted the teacher around the back of the head (knocking his glasses off in the process) and then ran full-pelt into the Humanities department and escaped. Now this would have been funny enough, but it gets better! At least 2-3 other mates had recorded the whole thing on their mobiles, so soon most of the school had seen it and P was a legend. I really wish I still had that video...
I saw L 2 weeks ago and for the first time I actually asked him why he had a dildo in his bag. His answer? "I don't have a fucking clue! I bought it to hit people with."

Length? It was about 8 inches and bright pink I believe.
(ILikeBoobs, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:15, 8 replies)

So, in other words...
You and your mates were 'happy slappers'?!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:18, closed)

Personally..
I never happy slapped anybody, neither did most of my mates, just a couple did. They seem to be the ones who I've hardly seen/spoke to since I left school and went to College.
(ILikeBoobs, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 10:27, closed)

Wow! What a legend!
He physically assaulted an old man! Genius!

You, sir, are a cock of the highest order.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:09, closed)

What school?
My mum used to teach in a couple of (really fucking shitty) comps in north Liverpool...
(ScousersPet, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:17, closed)

.
Alsop
(ILikeBoobs, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 10:08, closed)

Getting hit on the head with a dildo
really fucking HURTS!!!

Tis not nice to hit old fellas on the head with heavy objects...

Would it be amusing to shoot someone with a penis-shaped gun?

No, it bloody well would not!!!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 11:19, closed)

It might be
if it fired white paintballs...
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:09, closed)

Ha!!!
Thats good!!! And I suppose if you had a penis shaped gun you could, quite honestly say: "My penis is loaded with blanks..."

Not that I know why you'd ever want to say that... Think I'll go and have a lay down in a dark room...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 13:55, closed)