MRS GORDON'S TITS
"Hey, Scary," said Mrs Gordon, "How would you like to do something special for me?"

Ah, Mrs Gordon. Our posh totty humanities teacher with an ability to speak in very sexy italics and to reduce teenage boys into gibbering wrecks.

"I would absolutely love it if you edited the next school newsletter."

"Lmpf snpp glaaaark."

I didn't even know there was a school newsletter, but – despite fearing this might be some sort of sexy trap – I eventually declared that I would be delighted.

"Oh, I'm so very pleased."

I went home and lay down for a bit.

Thanks to THATCHER coming to power, I had no access to any kind of word processor, and I had to write out the whole bloody thing long-hand and print it on the school Banda Machine. High as a kite on the booze-flavoured ink, it was little surprise that I got up to no good.

If you looked very, very carefully, you might have noticed that the first letter of every badly copied news story, teacher profile and sports report spelled out the words "MRS GORDONS TITS". Not for any good reason, except for the incredibly dangerous fact that I was thirteen-and-a-half years old, completely unsupervised, and damn the poor grammar. And she had a cracking pair of knockers.

So impressed was Mrs Gordon with the end result, I was called into her presence one day after school.

"Scary," she told me, her chest heaving in a way that would leave me with issues for decades to come, "your newsletter was quite marvellous."

"Blp snerrrg wum", I said, staring her in the chest.

"In fact, before I hand over the editorial reigns to somebody else," she said, fiddling with the top button on her blouse, "I've got something very special for you."

She got me a box of chocolates. Nice ones, too. I don't know whether this was reward for a job well done, or if it was some sort of come-on.

"Jolly well done, young man. I do hope you keep abreast of further editions."

Ah.

Full, 12-inch celebrity version with a guest appearance from TV's James May HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 16:40, 1 reply)

Love it!
This has brought back memories of the amply-chested Miss Molloy from GCSE Maths.

Clickety-click; good work!
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 13 Aug 2009, 17:31, closed)