nobtionary
There's that bit in Superbad, where the main kid reveals a secret shame of his childhood. A love of a particular art form, a dark and mysterious technique. He basically drew a lot of cocks. Well my chums, I was that kid.

I say kid, I was probably 14/15 at the height of my career as a pro-nobbler. All the usual stuff; speednob, the heavily-inked-nob-on-rubber-then-stamped-on-someones-face trick, tightly co-ordinated homework attacks just before they were handed in. It was the the sheer volume that was most impressive. During those glory-days I was a pioneer, a rogue nobslinger, people genuinely feared where the next cock was coming from. One beautiful moment came as a teacher walked around class to check on our illiterate stylings.
*teacher approaching at far end of table*
"Ian, if you don't look over there you're gay"
*Ian looks away, rampant and proud felt-tip cock is drawn over Ian's homework*
"LOL"
*utter desolation on Ian's face. Ian looks at cock. Teacher looks at cock. Ian looks at teacher. Teacher looks away. Ian looks at cock.*

So you're getting it. I was into cock. There's really no other way of saying it. But this is meant to be about projects, not cock. Well, I found a way to combine the two. I made The Nobtionary.

It was designed to cover every type of nob imaginable. A referencing aid, or as I tended to think of it, a biblical tome. It started off innocently enough, with some fairly tame deviations from the basic form, as hopefully illustrated below:
*sadly not orginal nobtionary artwork, merely a recreation what I knocked up moments ago - that's right, I still got it*
L-R: nob, inverse nob, hotdog special, mushroom cap, spermchain, wrinkled ranger



These were small variations on a standard theme, and initially you could get about 10-15 on a page. Over time though, things started to get a bit more abstract, a lot more elaborate. It was heavily influenced by popular culture, from childrens T.V. (budgie the little nobcopter, thomas the wank engine), to action films (the sperminator, robonob, rammed-bo). Even Norse mythology was accounted for (thor's wanger). By the end things were getting out of hand, with the hugely technical drawings (ie vein detail) taking an entire sheet of A4 each. Some of these wonders included McNob (bagpipes for balls, wearing tam o'shanter on head), the hanging nobs of babylon (a visual feast let me assure you), and the infamous paedophiles revenge.

I would dearly love to show you all these. I'm genuinely proud of the effort that was put in, by far and away the most I applied myself to anything during school. Sadly I cannot, as after 3 years of dilligent creation, I left my bag at the bustop, where it were kicked and abused by ruffians. The Nobtionary was nowhere to be seen in the aftermath, and the heroism of the book was passed on into myth. After it was lost there were rumours going round that one kid or other had hold of it, maybe a teacher had found it, and it was now passed round in the staff room to alternating reactions of horror and merriment. I miss it. If you find it, tell me. You'll know it because it has 'nobtionary' written on the front, and inside is full of cocks.

ps Joe if there are any truth in the rumours and you are reading this I WANT MY COCKS BACK PLEASE

length? NOB B=====D~~
(bacontrout got ska, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 4:03, 7 replies)

Bit disturbing man.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 9:40, closed)

^ is that your superhero alias?

(bacontrout got ska, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 13:16, closed)

The one on the right looks like R2D2

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 13:30, closed)

there was actually an R2D2 nob i believe
either that or a C3P0. it was called P3N15 or something simlarly droll.
(bacontrout got ska, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 1:04, closed)

This...
Is the funniest thing I have read in a long time on here.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 10:20, closed)

Lots of cocks
Have you finally come out of the closet or are you still denying the fact that you like COCK?
(Jimmyinnz was sprung at work on b3ta on, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 23:56, closed)

if what you've taken from that story is that i DENY cock loving
you need to have a bit of a re-read.
(bacontrout got ska, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 1:05, closed)