In which grandmasterfluffles is screwed over by a letting agent, but it's ok because he nearly electrocutes himself in the process
​There is no creature so foul as a London letting agent. This particular agency was run by the most vile bunch of evil cretins that ever lived. In fact, I shall now refer to them as "arsebadgers" for that is what they were.

​After we'd been in our three-storey house for a couple of months, the top floor bathroom started leaking. By the time the arsebadgers had been persuaded to send someone round to fix it, it was so bad that whenever it rained, it was raining just as heavily in the bathroom as it was outside. Few experiences are more soul-destroying than getting up for a piss at 3am in November and getting rained on in the process. Arsebadgers sent some cowboy builders round, after which the leak got considerably worse. We contacted them again, asking them to send round someone who would actually solve the problem. "But we sent someone to fix it," they said, "It's not our problem if it's still leaking."

​I failed to see the logic in this.

​Predictably, the leak continued to get worse. After a few months it had made its way to the 1st floor, where the ceiling was gently dripping and various interesting mould and fungi were growing in the walls. I was cultivating a row of unidentified mushrooms out of the wall next to my bed, and coming down with various respiratory complaints.

​A few months later, it had continued to the ground floor. Damp and mould spread in a predictable pattern until one fateful day during a particularly heavy storm when water started pouring through the light fitting in the living room. Fortunately it wasn't switched on at the time. We sent yet another email to the arsebadgers informing them of the latest development and received no reply.

​A couple of months later we were coming to the end of our contract, and the arsebadgers had decided that rather than fix the place up, they were immediately going to try to let it to a bunch of hapless students. Various teenagers trooped in and out, while the arsebadgers smoothly lied that of course the place would be fixed by the time they moved in. One day a teenage girl came round with her mother. I should say at this point that we had a big sign next to the light switch on the living room wall reminding us not to use it. The teenage girl, her mother, the arsebadger and my housemate were all standing in the living room, and the following altercation took place:

​The mother: What's this all about?
​Arsebadger: Oh, that's nothing
​The mother: "DO NOT USE THIS LIGHT OR YOU WILL ELECTROCUTE YOURSELF AND BURN THE HOUSE DOWN, KTHXBAI"
​Arsebadger: There's nothing wrong with it
​The mother: It doesn't look like nothing to me...
​Arsebadger: It's lies, the current tenants want to stay, they just put that sign there to put you off
​My housemate: That's slander - we could sue you for that
​Arsebadger : They're all liars, they just want to stay in the house
​The mother: In that case, you won't mind switching on the light

​Arsebadger: .............I don't want to........

​Housemate: If we're all liars and there's nothing wrong with that light fitting, why don't you want to switch it on?
​The mother: Yes, I think you should switch it on
​The housemate: Switch the light on, or admit that you're a slanderous, incompetent, irresponsible liar

​He was enough of a stupid fuckwit to do so, predictably causing massive blue flashes to light up the house like some sort of potentially lethal Christmas tree.

​Arsebadger.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 11:51, 4 replies)

Fall Fail
Me: Look Mr Landlord, there's a couple of missing bars in the bannisters on the top landing, meaning that my girlfriend's daughter could fall onto the landing below. I think that needs to be fixed.

Arsebadger: How old is this child?

Me: Four.

Arsebadger: Well, she'll soon grow too big to fit through the gap then, won't she?

!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 12:14, closed)

Umm...
...whats KTHXBAI ?
(Ymob is a kaburu, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 13:13, closed)

ok

thanks

bye

Presumbably. Or chinese. Maybe chinese.
(skgorsky, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 13:38, closed)

oh...
... I see.
(Ymob is a kaburu, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 13:43, closed)