Giving A False Impression
As an American, I know little about sports in general, and not the slightest bit about rugby in particular. Nevertheless, on my first visit Down Under, I wanted to ingratiate myself with the natives, and I thought a good way to do that was to express solidarity with the Aussie cricket team. Flying into Brisbane on a crowded airliner, crammed right next to the Great Britain rugby team, I had heard the Brits mocking the way Aussies speak - "G'Day Mate! G'Day Mate!" Offended on behalf of the Aussies, I earnestly hoped the Brits would get their faces pounded into the mud.

Riding a train late at night, I spotted a fellow in a green-and-yellow rugby jacket. Both he and his girl friend were dozing. I knew there had been a big game that evening and I wondered who had won. I moved closer, hoping to convey my hopes that Australia had won. Soon enough, the train's motion jarred them both awake, and I pounced.

I asked "did Great Britain or Brisbane win today's game?" The girl friend corrected me: "Australia defeated Great Britain tonight." The fellow asked, somewhat sarcastically, "do you know where you are?" I cheerily answered, "barely!" Voice dripping with contempt, he said "you're an American, aren't you?" I answered "oh, yes!" Girl friend cheerily said, "oh, we've seen many international folks today - Germans, Czechs, etc." I continued, "you see, when I flew into Brisbane, I flew in with the Great Britain rugby team." The guy answered, "then you must have felt right at home." I said, "no, rather...."

He interrupted: "Listen! I hate Poms and I hate Yanks, the two most loser nations in the world!" Girl friend said "hush, don't be rude." He then began muttering all kinds of venomous anti-American things to the girl friend, amongst which I heard the name George Bush mentioned at least once.

Wanting to leave a bon-bon of trans-Pacific sweetness, I gave the green-and-yellow ass a false impression instead. So much for international harmony. I'm going to get a green-and-yellow voodoo doll for Christmas and poke needles in it for fun.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 21 Dec 2006, 9:26, Reply)