I used to work in a hospital,
where the nurses would gleefully recount the tale of the man who regularly attended A&E to have a plastic coke bottle removed from his back passage. Came to a tragic end when he decided to progress from 330ml bottles, to a 1.5litre affair (maybe it came free with a takeaway, or something): I don't know if he got it all the way in (I'd like to think not), but, after he realised it was stuck, he attempted to render the bottle into a more pliable state, and so began to heat it up (details are hazy here, maybe he stuck a candle up it, or something) - long story short, he melted it, it stuck to his colon, and he lost sections of his anal tract to emergency surgery, thus bringing his days of innocent bum fun to an unplanned end.
Reeks of urban legend, but they swore it was true.

Seen with my own eyes, however, was a set of notes, which was being passed around by the clinical coding girls, to much mirth and disgust. They were unwilling to show me, at first, but relented, and let me have a look: alongside the usual unintelligible scribble from the doctors, were a set of photos of an old man's tackle, down which had been inserted a considerable length of electrical cable (with the plug and whatever removed from the ends). Must have taken some doing, as it was a thick cable, and the exposed, frayed copper at the ends was something to make the eyes water. I hope I never get that lonely in my old age.

One last note to the public, regarding patient confidentiality: all those in the health service will respect your right to privacy, up to the point where you stick something up your nether regions, or stick a part of your unmentionables in something you shouldn't - at that point, you become fair game. I'm pretty sure that there's a clause in the data protection act, for this.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 20 May 2012, 7:51, 1 reply)

I think
that old man obviously misunderstood the term "butt plug". I wonder if it turned him on?
(Rsoles, Mon 21 May 2012, 14:09, closed)