Long one but,
When i was in college, I lived with a guy who was a beer monster. Everytime it was someones birthday he would make a collection of money to buy them a diesel (half a pint of various shorts and half a pint guiness). So when it cam to his birthday, EVERYONE chipped in, in fact there was so many shorts, there was no room for guiness. Anyway he downed it and about an hour later was paralitic and had to be carried home. Me and a freind went for food and got home an hour later. The pisshead was lying in the hallway asleep with a blanket over him and everyone else was in the living room laughing. It transpired that they carried him home and sat him down, when he slurred that he need a shit, so they carried him to the bog and helped him get his trousers down and left him. Half an hour later they became worried, so knocked the bathroom door, to which there was no answer. They smashed the door in and found him having fallen forward into the bath with his arse in the air, fast asleep, with a big turd hanging half way out of his arse. 'You dirty bastard' someone yelled, whereupon he woke up and pulled his trousers straight up. They all fell about laughing, he got angry and then collapsed in the hallway.
The next day he had no recollection of this and uttered the immortal line 'At least I didnt puke'. I asked him what happened when he woke up, he replied that he realised he'd shit himself, so ran out the back garden naked and hoyed his pants, shit and all over the next doors garden. He was the forever known as the phantom shitter.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:59, Reply)