I notice a lot of the stories feature not knowing what to do when a turd won't flush.
For future reference I present a couple of strategies.

1. The poo stick.
I suppose this is the less practical of the two, as you ideally should have the stick in advance. My brother has dodgy guts and he only poos about once a week, so when he does do them it's a week's worth of bab in one giant log. We're talking thick as Coke cans and long as your fore-arm.
These fuckers don't flush, especially seeing as they somehow always contrive to land sideways in the bowl. So, in the outside drain we keep the Poo Stick. It's a stout gardener's pea-stick, and it's always kept upright in the drain. You only ever touch the top end. The business end stays in the drain. When my bro does one of his massive cacks, the Poo Stick is deployed to break it up into chunks that the poor loo can comfortably swallow.

2. I has a bukkit.
The easier one, though still only practicable if it's your own bog. Fill your bucket about half full, then: flush the loo as normal, and pour the bucket into the bowl at the same time. The combined water from the bucket and cistern is usually enough to flush away the shit.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 10:46, Reply)