Red pepper prolapse
One morning, aged about 7, I had a shit, finished, wiped and stood up. Oops, there was something alien still in my bottom! I wiped again, flushed, and stood up again. Zounds! The weird sensation of having a warm, smooth piece of something sticking out of my anus was quite alarming.

So I turned around with my back to a mirror, bend over, and took a look. Horror of Horrors! There was something flat and red sticking out of my ringpiece - obviously I'd suffered a rectal prolapse! (Except, at 7 years old, I didn't know the technical term, I just thought I'd finally managed to shit my guts out).

I started screaming for my mum, and tearfully explained the fact that I was dying to her, and would she please take a look, and then drive me to hospital? She dutifully made me bend over again, my young buttocks in front of her face for inspection, and started laughing at me. She grabbed the piece of "gut", pulled it out, and flushed it away, still pissing herself.

It was a piece of undigested red pepper skin. Oops.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 12:31, 2 replies)

Rectal Prolapse
I always thought that a very appropriate name for an old skool metal band.

Son of Spinal Tap?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 28 Mar 2008, 12:39, closed)

*click*
For the use of the word 'Zounds'. Much underused in my opinion!

This is the sort of thing that I would do, even now.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 15:45, closed)