Shitting of a bridge
I used to know a guy called Marcus who defined the word disgusting.

He was the sort of man who would cupcake complete strangers. He once farted into a polystyrene cup, put the lid on and gave it to his girlfriend to “drink”. Rumor had it that he once ate someone’s verucca as a bet. For the time I knew him he was mostly single.

This is the story of how someone saved his life and then beat him to within an inch of it.

After a very heavy night on the disco biscuits at a house party, Marcus found himself wandering the lonely streets of Richmond.
The train station was closed, there were no buses and he could not afford a Taxi home. He wandered around the streets until he came to Richmond Bridge and he decided to kill an hour or two there until the trains started coming.
He told me that he sat and watch the sun break over the Thames and he basked in its beauty.
At around 5 in the morning he noticed a large amount of rowers splashing there way up the river, he could hear the posh voice of the cox screaming orders. In a moment of sicko genius he decided to take a shit on them as they rowed beneath the bridge.
He jumped onto the concrete ledge, removed garments and assumed the basic “crouching for a shit position. He said it took all his concentration to start to push and balance at the same time. This was made all the more difficult as he was physically trembling with laughter, but, with determination he got the beginnings of a coil poking out.
He listened intently, he could hear the subtle change in sound as the group of boats entered under the bridge and with one final push his morning glory took flight.

“What the fuck…Errr…you sick mother” came the shouts below

Marcus had managed a direct hit on his first attempt. He later told me that it was the happiest moment of his life – shortly followed by the worst. With all the commotion below he started to uncontrollably laugh. In a comic slow motion way he started to flap his arms to try and keep balance, but, almost instantly fell off the bridge into the dirty water below.

With credit to the rowers – they immediately pulled him onto the boat, made sure he was all right and then rowed him straight to the shore. They got out of there boats, dragged him onto dry land and then took it in turns trying to kick any remaining shit out of his body. The last thing he saw before he fell unconscious was the expanding anus of a burly rower about to take a shit on his face.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 14:10, 5 replies)

I don't care if this is bollocks;
it's fucking funny! Oh, the delivery!
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 14:46, closed)

Applause
Top tale *clicky*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 14:55, closed)

I admit
Marcus did speak complete bullshit, but, I really want to believe it did happen.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 15:04, closed)

As Bob Todd
I actually laughed out loud!

Good job I've finished work for the weekend!

*cracks open beer and salutes*
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 16:17, closed)

Brilliant.
And the last sentence pushes it over the edge into "classic"
(Big D, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 18:09, closed)