shit appendix
about 3 years ago, i suffered what can only be described as pain. intense, searing, couldn't-move-if-i-tried pain, located in my lower abdomen. i decided i did not like this pain, so i called the doctor. "get to the hospital right now" says he, so off i went. i began to worry when i was seen by a doctor within 20 minutes. i was prodded, poked, pricked and pummelled, all of which led the doctor to believe that i was suffering from acute appendicitis. i was sent for a scan to rule out ectopic pregnancy(which it did), then it was on to x-ray. i had been told that the x-ray was probably no more than a formality and that i would be having surgery before the night was out.
the x-ray tech was a girl i'd been to school with, which helped me to relax a little. the x-ray was taken and i was wheeled back to the S.A.U* to await the results.
this didn't take long.
the tech came along 10 minutes later, grinning like a loon. "it's not appendicitis" she says.
"what is it, then?" i asked.
she grinned wider and said "well, we all thought so at school, but now we have proof; you're full of shit!"
she held up my x-ray, which showed me to be more blocked up that a glastonbury toilet.
this is how i discovered i have irritable bowel syndrome.

*surgical assessment unit

length? 2 weeks' worth!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 16:23, Reply)