American Idiot
I spend quite a lot of time in the USA, and am enamoured of many things about American life - Cheap Beer, Good food, delicious lassies at every turn. However, their plumbing displeases me.

For the uninitiated, US crappers are shallow pans full of water, I mean practically full to the brim, with a small exit hole to the back of the pan/ This doesn't represent many problems, true, pissing froma height is annoyingly noisy as there's no porcelain to aim at for silent pissing mode, but the worst thing is that fact that they can't take a good ten pint and a curry evacuation.

Picture the scene, you've guzzled your way through 10 or 12 pints (US - smaller) of Yueungling and treated yourself to a spicy Thai meal on the way home. Next day your hungover guts are straining at the leash, so you dart into your girlfriends Mother's Khazi and drop your load.

Noise? Minimal. Splatter? Not too bad, mostly solids, bit of pebble-dash. Stench? It's been worse, let's face it, and modern sprays are excellent, so it seems onthe face of it that you've got away with it. That is until you flush.

Normally the US flush carries away the business in a noisy flash, none of the 'circling the hole' business we associate with the UK, but oh no - you've shat too much, or used too much bum fodder, but either way the murky brown waters are rising as the damn thing refills - in a couple of seconds your curry-damned stools are going to be floating out over the floor involving a clean-up job you'll never get away with.

Plunger? None. Bog brush? Yes!!! You jam it in the hole trying to dislodge whatever is impeeding the flush and mercifully, the foul tide subsides, just in the fecking nick.

The trick? Shit, flush, wipe, flush ;-)
(Jay Tea, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 13:49, 3 replies)

That takes me back
First night staying at my very wealthy pal's place just off Central Park and I had the same problem.

The terror that in about two seconds you will flood a luxury apartment with shit and water and there's nothing you can do about it cannot be underestimated.

I had the top off and yanked up the ballcock to stop it filling - sweating with fear - and finally managed to clear it.

Christ that was horrible, and now I'm re-living it as it was yesterday...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 13:57, closed)

Aha...
This reminds me of two times that I was in the US: Once in Hawaii, once in Seattle. The toilets are ridiculously filled with water! It's a disgusting feeling to have the shit you just took floating lovingly next to your balls..

Or worse still, your balls hitting the water.. ugh!

And peeing is an auditory nightmare, as you've stated.

Balls.
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 14:40, closed)

The ballcock!
...sheer genius, i'd have never thought of that, far too advanced :-D

But yeah, in a world where things tend to lean towards the slightly prissy it's strange that their bogs are so designed. And the noisy slash problem has me sitting on the pan like a woman :-O Seriously, I woke up last time I was there and the place we were in was small, toilet being next door, and I needed to drain away all the beer that had been collecting in the tim eit took me to stagger back from the bar and wake up having passed out in bed.

My partner was shouting at me to stop the noise(it was one of those marathon micturations) but what choice do you have?

Ever notice in Holland they have similar toilets but with no water in them? You just shit onto a shelf which is 'washed' when you flush. Damned stinky :-D
(Jay Tea, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:22, closed)