Heavy poo
For years, I'd suffered from a problem whereby I found it difficult to swallow (yes, yes, haha) and fairly frequently (once a week or so) would choke on my food. I was used to it so it didn't really bother me, and anyway my mum had told me since I was a kid that it was all psychosomatic, so I never did anything about it. But after one particularly spectacular episode in a restaurant, my wife insisted I get it checked out.

My GP was completely nonplussed, but sent me off to see a specialist, who in turn sent me to have a Barium swallow, where they feed you something that has the consistency of thick paint while you're stood in front of an x-ray machine.

They didn't warn me about the after-effects however: primarily, your shit turns white and doesn't flush. And I don't just mean it's a bit stubborn, I mean it sinks to the bottom of the u-bend and will not shift. And don't bother poking it with the loo-brush -- it'll just break up into smaller pieces which still won't flush.

In the end it had to be retrieved manually...yes -- rubber gloves on, I fished the bits out and disposed of them in the bin.

'Grim' doesn't cover it.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 15:18, Reply)