Poisoned by a Celebrity
I'll give you a shit story.

Oyster based food poisoning on top of haemorrhoids.

Never, ever have I known a pain so great.

You know that horrible burning sensation on the ring after having the squits for a couple of days? Try it with a haemorrhoid. It's like shitting glass shards. And the blood. So much blood.

And the shitting (and vomiting) was from a meal cooked by Master Chef winner 2006, Peter Bayless. On Valentines Night 2007. We had to cancel the luxury spa valentines weekend we'd booked for the following weekend.

Instead we got to fight over the toilet and the mop bucket. I shit the bed and Mrs Smurf shit on the sofa (not deliberately I should add, it was one of those "I thought it was just going to be a fart" instances). Thank god she was wearing pyjamas.

You're a git Peter 'Dr Crippen' Bayless. A GIT.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 15:21, 1 reply)

I could never eat oysters
Anything that looks that much like phlegm is bound to be bad for your insides.
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 17:52, closed)