Cute little girl and the raspberry tarts
I'm blessed with two sickeningly cute nieces who always manage to carry off the illusion that butter truly wouldn't melt. The elder of the two; "H" is eleven years old, somewhat studious and has mastered the art of the acerbic retort.

I cannot for the life of me think where she might have inherited the trait from.

The younger of the two "A" (aged eight) is as cute as custard, with blonde hair and great big manga eyes in an innocent shade of blue. Although never accurately described as bashful, A is quite delicate of ego and an endearingly sensitive soul indeed and the slightest critique cuts deeply and can leave a red faced eight year old in floods of embarrassed tears.

Anyway, A suffers from an unfortunate affliction which has seen her prescribed some Bung-strength anti-wind medication by the family doctor which isn't wholly successful in quelling the raging hurricane blasting through her innards.

One morning the family is en route to Alton Towers when the air inside the car is turning a distinct shade of foul. Without a word, windows are lowered despite the aircon, but A is still managing to overpower the blast of three open windows.

At this point, A's sense of shame was palpable enough for her to blurt out "I can't help it you know!"

H, who'd been silent for the entire journey puts down her DS and says "Here's a hint A. Avoid the beans...."

"Whaaaaaaaaa!"

On the occasion of A's fourth birthday, I left work early so that I could make the party. The sight of A nearly melted my heart, for she was wearing a glittery pink dress with silvery wings on her back.

Everybody say "ahhhhh"

My sis in law announced that the party was given the go ahead at the last minute, for A had been suffering from a bit of a virus.

Halfway through the party, a somewhat unpleasant odour made itself known. Being the tactful creature I am, I gathered all the fairies, princesses and assorted juniors together and asked them "which one of you lot has just raspberry tarted?"

My enquiry was met with cute, innocent faces shaking heads and looking as angelic as possible. Even Aled Jones stroking puppies couldn't look as innocent.

The smell however refused to disperse. I was quite irked until I twigged that the whiff in question was following A around quite closely.

Yep, Tinkerbell had spectacularly followed through.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 31 Mar 2008, 15:53, 6 replies)

Is H Canadian?
That was crap, sorry. :(
(Belgaer is, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 16:05, closed)

Reminds me of
my daughter when she was very young. One July 4th we were at the fireworks and she was snuggled on my lap (it gets cold in the evening in the Adirondacks). Periodically she got up and moved about ten feet from me and stood for a few moments before coming back to my lap.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to her.

"I had to fart, Daddy."

Somehow these words coming from an angelic little blonde struck me as the funniest thing ever. For months after I referred to her as "Rumble-Butt".
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 17:18, closed)

My youngest
cheerfully and unashamedly answers to the nick-name "Trumpet Bum"
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 18:08, closed)

Mr Loon
Whereas your son would have just farted while sat on your lap.
( girlinthehole, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 18:48, closed)

kids
Haha, mine would have done it on my lap and said "that was a good one wasn't it daddy"

They make me proud they do!
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 19:19, closed)

Yeah, probably.
They're little heathens, after all. Even now that they're larger than I am.

That's not to say that my daughter isn't sometimes heathenous. I recently told someone that if someone tried to get my daughter drunk and take nekkid pics of her that it wouldn't happen, because she'd pull their anus over their head and make them shit themselves out, because I've trained her well. I shared this thought with my daughter and she cracked up...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 19:42, closed)