Judo competition hazard
A very good mate of mine competes at a national level at Judo. He takes competitions very seriously and will disappear off the social scene for months at a time in training prior to a big event.

Not surprisingly, nerves tend to get the better of him. Everyone has their pre-match rituals, from the subtle (wearing of lucky pants) to the unsubtle (not putting one's belt on until the last minute to prevent your potential opponents sizing you up). My mate however, will disappear into the gents three of four times before the bouts kick off to relieve stressed bowels.

Midway through his first bout, things are going badly. His opponent has nearly thrown him for Ippon and has him in a headlock on the floor. Fighting to the very last with every ounce of his strength, my friend notices everything going black before he passes out cold on the mat.

The haze begins to clear and he comes round to see first aid gathered round him. He notices the wet, warm feeling in his pants and assumes it's sweat from the exertion of the fight. He gets to his feet and declares himself fit to fight another round.

Dizzily, he wanders off in the direction of the lavs. With a faint feeling of trepidation, he locks the cubicle and drops his grundies.

Oh no...

His worst fears are realised. While out cold, his nervous bowels have voided themselves in situ.

He's left with a terrible dilemma. Does he throw said ruined pants away and compete commando? If he does this, then the risks of total exposure are quite high as it's not uncommon for trousers to be yanked down mid fight. Such an indescretion would earn him disqualification from the competition.

However, the deciding factor was that he knew there was a tiny chance he might black out and shit himself again. A ghi of course, is white and any stainage will reveal itself quite quickly.

With sweat beading on his brow he sets out to rescue the pants as best he can. He gets to work scraping the slurry out of the seat of his keks with his fingernails.

Mid scrape, someone walks into the toilet and calls his name.

"Are you in here? Your name has been called, you're due to fight a bout in a minute!".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 31 Mar 2008, 17:28, Reply)