septic tank
All these stories remind me of the most character building episode of my youth.

When I was a wee nipper we had some drainage problems on our land, the result of which meant the septic tank had to be exposed so that blockages could be attended to.

Whilst amusing myself with a cunning game of 'jump over the septic tank', I fell in, and had to be fished out by my dad - but not before I'd swallowed at least two pints worth of raw effluent of varying consistency, heritage, and, yes, flavour.

To this day, I can't bring myself to clean the toilet

The reason for this, I explain to my housemates, is that I know what shit tastes like.

There's just no comeback from that.
( rofl harris, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:55, 6 replies)

That must have been quite aweful
can't you quite easily get poisoning of some kind from eating excrement?
(ShitBitch, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:00, closed)

2 pints?
No you didn't.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:02, closed)

two pints
oo-er pedantry. Not having been equipped with measuring apparatus at the time I should, of course, have said "a few throat-fulls" of shit.

my apologies.
( rofl harris, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:08, closed)

Well, if you're going to be pedantic...
... the proper way of phrasing it would be "throats-full".

:)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:13, closed)

Septic tanks...
My parents house still has one, which it shares with the cottage next door. When the "sludge-gulpers" (as I so aptly named the tank-emptying company) turn up every other year, the two houses have to split the cost. The last set of neighbours kept telling my mum about their rectal habits, to try and persuade her that as they didn't shit huge volumes, they shouldn't have to pay half the fee...scabby bastards.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:15, closed)

@bob fossil
nice super mario reference!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 18:43, closed)