One time, in band camp.. well no not band camp.
One time I was out on my motorbike (yammie FS1E for those that remember them) and I was miles away from anywhere. I don't quite know how it got so bad so fast as I was riding along the Northamptonshire countryside happy as larry one minute and the next minute my stomach was hurting enough to bring tears to your eyes. well I knew a shit was in order but I was in the middle of nowhere with no bog roll and no place to poo.

Eventually I found a little spinney thing to the side of the road and parked the bike and did the old walk with only the bits of leg below the knees moving type walk so as to conserve my sphincter strength to keep back whatever it was that was attempting to forcibly remove itself from me. After a stealthy look around I found a place with some burdock leaves and squatted and let loose a leviathan poo the likes of which I have never seen before or since thank heavens. Burdock leaves help with stinging nettles but they aren't much cop at wiping the unseeing eye. I did the best I could and got moving leaving this freak of nature to fend for itself.

The rest of the ride home was uncomfortable and by the time I did make it home my bum was very sore. I went upstairs and got some fresh undies and went in the bathroom and tried to clean up again with soaped up toilet paper.. that was painful. A grownup with nappy rash..

I also had to pre-wash the soiled kek's so as to avoid any embarrassment there too!

The end.
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 3:44, Reply)