In defence of squatters


As previously mentioned, I have ulcerative colitis, which means if I'm not doing so well, I have very short warning before my anus must expel a cocktail of blood and faecal matter. These days I'm fine, but in the mornings it's always touch-and-go.

For the past four years, I've been living in South Korea, a country where the washrooms are of diverse quality. Go to a department store, office building, or hotel and you'll get some nice ones, but restaurants, bars, and even home apartments older than ten years are all fairly primitive. Squatters, no toilet paper, and people who take forever in the stalls. I've gotten into the habit of carrying a pack of tissues everywhere I go, and have even left a few puddles of crap in various places outside.

Back when I was new here, I lived in Suwon, a small town of 1 000 000 just an hour south of Seoul. Seoul was the place to be, so every weekend I was up there. But the subways closed at 10:30, so I either had to stay out all night or go home early. By the way, Korea doesn't have last call, so it's legal for bars to stay open until sunrise.

So I stayed up all night, got extremely drunk on a bad combination of soju and beer, went to a punk show where I mysteriously lost my glasses (it turned out I was so out of it, I took them off and set them down backstage), and I waited for the subways to open in the morning.

On the subway ride back, I was incredibly drunk and starting to feel bad, and on top of it all I couldn't see well without my glasses. It was the morning, when my colitis is at its worst, and pressure was starting to build.

The train reached my station and I ran for the washroom. But it was a primitive washroom, containing only two squatters. It was too late to reach any of the other backup toilets I know on my route home, so I decided it was time to try out one of these squatters. Keep in mind I was drunk, part blind, and had a colon filled with blood.

I pulled my pants down to the knee so that the pockets would be upright, and I squatted so that my legs were folded all the way. I let loose a pile of blood and crap into the basin of the squatter, and then I discovered the bad part: no toilet paper (and I didn't carry any of my own). So I did up my pants and waddled out of there, aiming for the nearest washroom where I was reasonably certain there'd be toilet paper.

Anyway, I got to the Internet cafe I always used, got into the stall, and wiped, prepared for a huge mess crammed in there. Now here's the crazy thing: the toilet paper was clean! When you use a squatter, it positions your body so that everything comes out while making minimum contact with your skin.

I still don't use squatters when the option is presented because they're uncomfortable, but I certainly don't fear them when there's no alternative.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 4:21, 5 replies)

needs more description of a 'squatter'
for people who haven't used one
( strictlyrockers hasnt been on here for ages, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 9:14, closed)

Picture


(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 11:22, closed)

I used
one a couple of times in Japan.

Not too bad really. Wouldn't use one by choice, but I'm not afraid of them now.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:41, closed)

I like squat loos
If given the choice (and assuming I'm wearing clothing that is convenient, such as a knee-length skirt, or jeans - but NOT loose linen trousers, they'll drape on the floor too easily, or flipflops without any grip) I'll actually go for the squats. Contact with surfaces is kept to a minimum, it's comfortable, and less wiping is required.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:45, closed)

^ Flip flops and loose cotton trousers to be avoided at all times
As my Dad experienced a few pages back.

No chocolate porn this week, BobFossil..?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:23, closed)