More tales from China
I went to Hong Kong in 2003 with a couple of friends, one of whom knew someone who already lived out there, and who invited us on a boat trip with some of her buddies.

They'd hired some kind of smallish boat, with a cabin area, and space on the roof for sunbathing, plus a platform at the back for climbing on and off. Food and drink was provided, and it was all set to be a glorious day exploring the coastline near HK. The only negative thing was that we were emphatically told not to shit in the on-board bog, as it was quite a delicate thing. No worries, thought we.

We spent the next few hours diving off the side of the boat into the sea, occasionally coming back into the boat to have another beer, or eat some more dumplings. Until the pilot came and ranted at us for a bit, saying someone had taken a dump, and it had blocked the loo, and now he'd have to flush it away. Fair enough, think we, and dive back in for another bit of swimming.

About 3 minutes after this, small bits of wood starting floating past us. Hang on, they're a bit too round and pebble-shaped to be wood! ...but pebbles can't float...oh no...SHIT! It turns out that when he meant "flush" the loo, the pilot actually meant he was going to open the bottom of the trap, letting the brown bum-slugs swim away to freedom. So now there was a shoal of floating nuggets between us and the boat, and we had to swim our way back to the boat remembering the five D's: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge. I managed it. My friend though she had, until we pointed out a nugget nestling between her bosoms, in danger of falling down into her costume...she managed to get it out (by leaning over and jiggling it out), and the pilot moved the boat further along the coast, to less infested waters.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 11:15, 9 replies)

*snigger*
You said bosom!

But seriously, your friend displayed courage in the face of adversity! Calmly jiggling it free? I think most people would have flailed wildly at it and got shitty fingers...

Also - nice reference!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:25, closed)

...
I didn't say she was calm...she was stupid enough not to smear it all over her puppies though, thank god. Just very shrill in the vocal department whilst sorting herself out...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

^ chortle snigger oof fnaar
Also said BOTTOM of the trap.
This story has everything;
bottoms, bosoms, bogs, buddies, a boat trip and beer! *click*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:44, closed)

Haha
Well done for making me laugh AND gag at the same time...

Can't think of anything more disgusting than jobbie sullied jubblies.

Yuk.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:59, closed)

^^
excellent use of the term jubblies, one that I try to slip into conversations wherever possible.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:02, closed)

@Tourettes
You forgot "bum"!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:03, closed)

^ er... @PJM
The incorporation of jizz in the picture...
Eeeeeeoooouuugh!
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:03, closed)

hehe
try saying "jobbie sullied jubblies" over and over again in quick succession.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:04, closed)

@ Bob Fossil
Why, bugger me and bollocks! So I did.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:05, closed)