Thieving pikey crack-addict backstreet? Or Bargain Boulevard?...you decide

I have just heard of this place…might be an urban legend and no doubt the more experienced B3tards will either confirm the tale or metaphorically sink my bullshit battleship.

But here goes...

I am fortunate enough (If you can call it that) to have the kind of accent that can flit from chuff-chewing guttersnipe to landed royal gentry at the push of a magic brain button, and therefore mix with all types: Northern, Southern and everything in-between, from uber criminal to the flawless law-abiding, genius types to witless titwanks, I have time to spare for them all.

One of my regular establishments for the consumption of loopy lube fermented from that naughtiest of fruits (the apple) just so happens to be oft frequented by some of the ropiest scumsacks to fall out of the nearest rozzer hostel. It was from one of these such merry fellows that I heard of this place.

It is said to exist in Birmingham, but as easy as this place is to imagine, I would bet 6 bucks and my right nut that there is one in every major city at least.

We all know of the ‘Crack Alleys’ (fnarr). The happy tourist spots where, upon hint of dusk, the place fills choc-to-the-brim with filthy fuckspots busying themselves by injecting one and all in a glorious attempt to send their ever-shrinking brains on a voyage to Twattedsville, Arizona?

Well apparently these places have grown, evolved if you will. They’ve moved into the next street and tried to keep it clean(er)

Now I’m not a doctor of economics, but I believe I have managed to deduce how these sad life-stains obtain the monetary sustenance for their chemical fayre, despite generally being wasters of the highest order.

They rob stuff. Fucking shitloads of it in fact. Career shoplifters and burglars the lot of em'. Allegedly.

Now, due to the building reputation of Crack Alley, the dwellers of said street set up a basic market in the street next door, where at the crack (pardon the pun - arf) of dawn they are prepared to sell the results of their previous night’s hard thieving efforts for the tiniest amounts of your hard earned wad, in order to stump up the moola for their next fix.

I have been told these places are a veritable Alladin’s Cave of stolen stuff – from Xboxes to PCs to clothes, jewellery & perfume etc. All at bargain prices and in a convenient, one-stop-shop. Think Argos but cheaper and better quality (I don’t get a commission or anything in case you’re wondering).

So here’s where I come in. (Well, not yet but I’m seriously thinking about it). I like to do my bit for the underprivileged you know.

I’m busy this weekend but I’m gonna pop along for a browse in a week or two.

If I survive I’ll tell you how it went.

Place your orders here.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 10 Jan 2008, 14:55, 7 replies)

Be careful
purchasing stolen goods is a crime and sods law says that the police will do a raid while you are there.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:18, closed)

Nooooo!
Don't do it. Just think of the poor sods the stuff was robbed from.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:21, closed)

I do agree with the others up there
But could you grab me a Nintendo DS?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:31, closed)

I clicked 'I like this!' because this is very well told.
But I'll have to echo those above me. Don't do it; buying stolen goods is a crime.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:43, closed)

The fact that it's a crime* wouldn't bother me as much
as the fact that you're supporting thieves, pickpockets and muggers in their behaviour.

* The label 'crime' is one of a formal, government system to aid punishment of social transgression. As legless has previously pointed out before, it's really up to the personal ethics of the individual to decide what is right and wrong, using the law as a guide rather than an absolute.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 17:41, closed)

Ah, I couldn't care less about the druggie criminals and what they get up to...

I'm just after a bit of cheap stuff and If it means people got burgled and mugged for me to have it, then that's their look out...Fuck 'em

...

oh, bollocks, I'm only joking! - I don't want it to kick off again like when I did my Political Correctness Gone Mad QOTW post.

The truth is, although I WAS told about the place, I have no real intention of going there - for the reasons stated by you good people above AND the fact that I'd be too shit scared to hang about with the likes of those types...and by that I mean Brummies.

...

(So I'll send someone else.)

...

*Apologises again*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 10 Jan 2008, 18:32, closed)

There's a stall like that at my local second-hand market.
Stacks of car stereos, DVD players, mobile phones, etc. There's a gloss of professionalism, so you think "hmm, maybe they're legit", but for me that possibility vanished when I saw a laptop still with a "property of suchandsuch inc" label on it.
(Musuko, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 12:00, closed)