NOT shoplifting at B&Q
I recently found I was very irritated at being followed around B&Q by the worlds least subtle security guard who clearly thought I was a candidate for "shop & go" action.

The fact that I was just unable to find or buy the paint I needed due to their lack of signage, prices, colour charts, staff and stock made things worse. Not to mention that of all the people there I was probably least likely to steal anything, including the staff.

So I decided to tell them that. I emailed the head office ranting about the guard following me like a hawk and the crapness of their paint dept.

They apologised and sent me £10 (in voucher form).

So I got paid to not shoplift at B&Q !
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 14:58, 7 replies)

B&Q Security
For some reason they follow me round our local B&Q too and as per your local they aren't bloody subtle at all.

I think it may be that I spend ages in the shop and just come out with one packet of machine screws.

Such is the habit if you are using B&Q as a make-do model shop!
( FlexAlux laughed at something inappropriate on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:18, closed)

Following you was an easy way of being seen to do his job
The last thing he wants to do is chase some pikey that he cant legally touch and might stab him, but he has to be seen to be doing his job or the management will fire him.

So he picks out the most unlikely candidate for a shoplifter and follows them around for half an hour. That's half an hour closer to knocking off time.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:30, closed)

I can't resist
turning around and engaging them in conversation! In a clothes shop once (BHS I think) I was holding hideous things up and asking the security guy what he thought.

Fair flummoxes them, I tell you.

Oh, and *click* for complaining!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:46, closed)

*Click*
Don't you just fecking HATE it when they do that?

I like to 'brazen then out' by looking directly at them and following them around for a while until they piss off, then doing my utmost to pilfer some pointless item just because they've had the cheek to suspect me anyway.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 9:54, closed)

If it happens again...
"Thanks mate. Whilst you've been distracted with me, my mates have been emptying your shelves."

See how he reacts.
(Musuko, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 11:54, closed)

-
I sometimes get the same and when in a particularly pretentious mood (most of the time) I turn round,look aghast and say "do you mind, I'm middle class" in my best English accent. Pips!
(The loquacious linguist, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:37, closed)

Marks & Sparks
It happened to me in M&S too a few years ago when I was choosing some boxers. So I took 2 pairs up to the security guard and asked which he thought suited me better. He took the opportunity to bugger off.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 14 Jan 2008, 11:49, closed)