b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Shoplifting » Post 114538 | Search
This is a question Shoplifting

When I was young and impressionable and on holiday in France, I followed some friends into a sweet shop and we each stole something. I was so mortified by this, I returned them.

My lack of French hampered this somewhat - they had no idea why the small English boy wanted to add some chews to the open box, and saw it as an attempt by a nasty foreigner oik to contaminate their stock. Not my best day.

What have you lifted?

(, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 11:13)
Pages: Latest, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, ... 1

« Go Back

More Fraud, really
When I was a little Slut Monkey, at the age of 10, I and my primary school chums had just discovered a fascinating new game, called 'Dungeons & Dragons'. It had books, with cool pictures of monsters and big breasted elf girls, lots of fantastically shaped dice, and NO PLAYING BOARD!

WOW. Utterly amazing. Deciphering how to play it was like learning the black arts, and we gleefully worked our way through the first levels, imaginarily killing imaginary monsters with our imaginary magic and imaginary swords. Great fun. Then suddenly it came to a halt. We needed the next 'set', which cost a whopping 10 pounds! I begged and begged my mother to buy it, but she correctly noticed 'there's something wierd about that game...' and refused.


So what do I do? Well, one day while poring over ads for shops in 'White Dwarf' (jazz mag for chronic nerds) I noticed an ad that immediately got my attention. It was a toy shop, in Alderney (a channel island) which, alongside listing their wares also had a little box showing that they accepted credit cards. To illustrate this, they also showed a tiny picture of a credit card.

Not tiny enough. Out came the magnifying glass... its an actual picture of a credit card! I can even remember the name, 'John Williams', it was an 'Access' card, it was now my new 'flexible friend'!

So I phoned the shop, put on my best deep voice, and ordered it, using the credit card details on the ad. I asked for it to be sent to my nephew, 'Master Ginger Slut Monkey', at his home address.

It was done. All I had to do was wait.

It only bloody turned up! Trouble was, I was at school at the time, and my mum got it. Naturally curious as to why her son had recieved a package from the Channel Islands, she opened it, finding the game I had been pestering her for, and the credit card invoice.

Shit. I was in lots of it. I'll never forget the look she gave the appaling monster she had given birth to.

Still, it only taught me one thing.

Planning is everything, plausible denial is all.

Blah blah length blah di blah.
(, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:34, 4 replies)
This story deserves to win
purely because it's so damn clever.
(, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 14:16, closed)
Good story, but shame on you for stealing a poor composer's identity.

(, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:09, closed)
She opened your mail?
I have a thing about people who open letters that are not theirs- I hate them.
(, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 21:46, closed)
yep, she opened my mail
it was on a friday tho, before she went to work, which meant that the box had to be kept until monday, when she would send it back to the shop with a letter apologising profusely for her 10 year old credit card fraudster son.

So she hid the box. In the same place she hid everything, the cupboard under the stairs. Saturday morning I retrieved it, took out the books, went up to mr patels shop and spent the contents of the penny jar in photocopying the whole thing.

I win :)
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 5:44, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, ... 1