'Investors in People'
I had an evening job stacking shelves in Safeway when I was 16

My boss was a middle aged bloke called Steve, and I normally did shifts with another teenager called Chris.

Steve was obsessed with the internet (back when that was still fairly unusual for a normal middle-aged bloke) and talked mainly about violent computer games and conspiracy theories. He once told me about how he had a working handgun and a shotgun inherited from his Uncle stored in the loft at home that he was 'saving for something special'. I've always expected to see him in the news one day for massacring his colleagues, or shooting up the post office, or something. He was a very angry man - I once watched him deliberately ram into an 80 year old woman with a shopping trolley after she'd failed to hear two 'Excuse Mes'. He was also questioned by the police once after threatening to throw a 13 year old kid he'd caught shoplifting a bottle of wine into the cardboard baler. His best mate was a man referred to only as 'Chunk', who worked in the bakery and reputedly possessed the largest collection of hardcore pornography in the region.

Chris was 17 but looked 40. He smoked non-stop, drove a pimped-out Mini Metro in which he'd installed bucket seats (meaning he could barely see over the wheel, since he was about 4 foot 8 tall), and mainly entertained himself by creating improvised contests, which invariable led to breaking stuff. The highlights were a whole pallet of toilet paper which he flattened by using it as a landing mat for a 20ft dive off the top of the store room shelving, and several bottles of whisky he managed to veer a pallet-truck into one Christmas Eve whilst taking part in a stock room pallet-truck Grand Prix. His favourite day ever was when we had to get rid of a load of roast chickens that were past their sell-by date, and him and Steve had a competition to see who could chuck a chicken into the skip from the furthest distance using only a spade to flip it. His break-time snack of choice was an Aero eaten dipped into a vegetable cup-a-soup, which is obviously hugely, hugely wrong.

I left that job determined not to work with similar people again, which didn't quite work out. On the plus side, though, I did win the Pallet Truck Grand Prix.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 10 May 2012, 14:55, 2 replies)

more please

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 10 May 2012, 19:33, closed)

I particularly liked the bit about a 16-year old driving a Mini Metro
In no way does this make me doubt the truthfulness of the story.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 10 May 2012, 21:51, closed)

Fair point
I assumed he was the same age because he'd been in the same school year, but I suppose he wasn't. Amended.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:49, closed)