Ciderman
Another tale from morrisons, this time concerning the local alcoholic 'ciderman'. Ciderman was known from afar throughout the town for being a jolly outgoing sort of pisshead, who was harmless to the point of comedy.

I often saw him sleeping on the benches outside the store and conversing with the group of skateboarders who had made him their official pet/mascot.

The first time I had the pleasure of serving him at a till, he approached me like a crab. that is to say he walked sideways with a spry gait. He then deposited 10 bottle of Weston's organic cider on my till* and yelled "How you doing mate? yeah mate I'm all right? cheers mate, sorted!". I should note that I hadn't said anything at this point. "errm seven pounds fifty please" I nervously added

Ciderman grinned and pushed his fingers under the brim of his hat and without removing it pulled out a dirty, crumpled tenner. I gingerly took it and gave him his change. He them proceeded to push the coins back under his hat, again without removing it at any point. And with a hearty "cheers mate" he was on his way.

It showed alot about Morrisons customer/staff relations, that the politest customer was a homeless wino.

The next time I saw Ciderman he was preaching his message of shop tolerance to the masses. Walking through town on my lunch break I saw him towering over a terrified child of about seven. In what I assume what he believed to be a friendly manner of advice he was shouting at the boy while pointing at a nearby poundstretchers.

"you dont wanna go in there THEMS BASTARDS IN THERE, they fuggin' told me your too drunk. IM NOT TO DRUNK bastards!"

Meanwhile a few yards away the group of ska8er-Bois who had adopted him were pissing themselves laughing. One of them shouted to ciderman "leave him alone, your scaring the poor lad"

At this Ciderman jolts to attention and yells "ITS ALL RIGHT LADS, IM JUST 'SPLAINING TO HIM ABOUT PAHHHHNDSTRECHERS"

After I got back from lunch I spend most of my shift terrified that a bit of wee had escaped from laughing so hard.

*this is how posh Hertfordshire is, even the tramps eschew white lightening.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:13, 7 replies)

Genuine LOL right there, every town has one, when I used to be a skater ours was a tramp called froggy,
he always told the most incredible stories about himself, none of them contained a grain of truth, he died after someone set him on fire, RIP froggy.
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Sat 12 May 2012, 14:31, closed)

Poor froggy
Ciderman (5'-4") once tried to fight my brother (6'-1"). He just did the cartoonish outstretched palm to the face thing to hold him back. When My bro got bored of this after a few mins he pointed out that Ciderman had left his booze unguarded a few feet away. After this he decided that my bro was "yer fuggin best mate! top man" and left him alone.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:47, closed)

there's one around here, she ended up on youtube a while back
swimming in the street when it flooded. fucking mental.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:55, closed)

We have this chap
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD_o1gmt0M8&feature=fvst

Johnny Welly, great chap - utterly bananas.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:27, closed)

Seriously
Can you let me know where this place is that sells a bottle of Westons Organic for 75p?
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:43, closed)

Do you have access to a time machine?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:12, closed)

Could be tempted to develop one
hic.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Sun 13 May 2012, 14:16, closed)