The way I explained it to someone earlier this week
is that it seemed to throw a switch, mentally. There seems to be something imperative in finding out if the man is still alive, and where he is.

I hear what you're saying folks, honestly. But half of my genetics and heritage is completely unknown to me, and my inquisitive nature implores me to find out just those simple facts - is he still alive and if so, where is he?

I've not decided whether to try to contact him if I can find him. Just that I want to find him.

I've been on a massive journey, psychologically, over the past few years. Now I'm well on the way to recovery, this is one of things I feel capable of tackling - I've put it off for almost eight years cos I've not had the capacity to cope
with either success or failure.

(Christ, I could talk about this all night :)

MM could be right. On reflection, the instability of my parental influence may well be driving my motives for finding my biological father. I considered the hereditary disease line when I first heard the news, and decided I don't really care too much. Of course, it'd be interesting to know if my recent start of a widow's peak in from his side of the family, but it's not necessary.

So what makes knowledge of his location and existence so different?

I think, if I did find him, that would at least give me the option of getting in touch. As I said, that's not necessarily what's going to happen, but it'd be nice to have the choice.

I think I may have just trivialised things a bit. To sum up, it feels important, to me at least, therefore it is.

Hope that blabber makes sense :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 3 Jan 2009, 23:14, Reply)