Essay!
I am the youngest of 7 (6 blood, 1 step). We mostly get on well as a family, but we’ve all had our own issues with each other –

J – Eldest brother (30). Accountant (Explains the next bit). He started the now irritating tradition of all chipping in money whenever we have any food at his house (which has continued to all houses). This would be fine, if I didn’t have to get bus, train, taxi to his house already. Finished Uni (key fact)

S – Eldest Sister (29). Had some severe issues with money & drugs at one point with her husband, leading to my Dad bailing them out of several real money issues, including having their house repossessed. The problem with this is that he didn’t inform my stepmum of this, and so she refused to speak to them, and said they couldn’t join us for Christmas one year. This was only rescinded when my stepbrother asked what made her so fucking perfect that she could decide to split the family up? Made me laugh like a drain that one! Now the proud parent of a baby boy, and have no problems! Didn’t go to Uni.

E – Second eldest sister (27). Was head girl, went to Oxbridge (hated the place and left) and married a genius fella. Referred to as the white sheep of the family, as the rest of us make her look bad! However, we know that she’s still one of us at heart, when you hear her arguing with people, bringing out wonderfully dark insults! (For example, she once decided to have a mock argument with her fella, to wind my brother up. Her fella had been engaged before, so she shouted at him “Why don’t you pawn this ring, it’d go nicely with the other one?” She could almost be a b3tan!

M – Second eldest brother (25). Ex-alcoholic. At one point, me and him used to fight every day of the week. This all started the year he came back from Uni after dropping out, meaning that I was no longer the only child in the house, something I’d waited 16 years for! Things went downhill from there.

D – Third eldest (23) – Only the second member of the family to finish Uni first time (including parents). A few years ago he was with an older woman. She openly admitted she wanted another child, but not yet (she was 30 and had a son), and ended up getting what she wanted. It must of course be my brothers?! Well, she told him she’s had her tubes tied (lie), that she didn’t know she was ovulating at the time (lies) and that it must be his, because he was the only guy she’d been with for months (lies). 9 months later a little girl arrives, and he feels no emotional connection with her whatsoever. After a while of coming back from the North East to Cheshire once a week, the mother asks what role he wants to play, because she doesn’t want him to only be there once a week. He’s either there completely or not there at all. (This wasn’t an argument, just an honest discussion). He admitted he couldn’t be there forever, they shook hands, and he went on his way. You’d take this to assume that applied to all of us? My parents didn’t, and so they go there about twice a week, look after the child, do the gardening, refer to her as ‘our first grandchild’ and always ask my brother if he’ll change his mind about her?!?!?! However, the point about the child that annoys us kids? My stepmum refused to acknowledge my sister S had a child for the first 3 months, and only held him once for about 10 seconds over the entirety of Christmas, because she was ‘too busy’ with the other one. Stupid bint!

T – Stepbrother (23) – Ex pothead. Great laugh, really nice guy, unfortunately we just don’t get on. It’s not that we argue, we just have absolutely nothing in common, meaning we rarely have anything to talk about. Great regret of mine. Fantastic natural chef, makes me laugh every Christmas him and my stepmum (his mum) arguing over how best to do the turkey. This year he proved her incredibly wrong with an experiment, leading to me and him laughing over it for about an hour, while getting rather drunk! Went to Uni after 4 years.

Last but not least, Me (20) – Used to be referred to as the laziest sod in the family. Didn’t go to Uni, barely went to 6th form. Actually set a record for the lowest registration attendance without getting expelled (13%). Now? Work in a good office, have my own house (rented), often looked upon as a man to ask about things by my friends.

So there you have it, the fun family!

*Initials changed for anonymity, as you’ll probably agree, we’re a fairly memorable family.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 10:48, 3 replies)

Erm
You are aware that 'Oxbridge' isn't a real place, aren't you?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:30, closed)

Yes I am...
but once again, that's down to anonymity.

She went to one or the other.

(I know I'm being ridiculously paranoid, but I can't help it!)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:36, closed)

It's not??!!!
But I paid good money online for that First Class degree in Scienceology from the PolyUniversity of Oxbridge.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:37, closed)