Just a few examples from a catalogue of millions.....

Siblings? Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus Jumping Christ.
Let me introduce you to...... my brother.


Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen....


First, please let me direct you to a previous post: b3ta.com/questions/mycollection/post69836


Nobody knows but Jee-sus...


He once came up with a brilliant idea. To find out how long he could keep an ice-cube on his arsehole. The Holy Grail, Olympic Gold and undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World Title rolled in to one would be his reward if he kept it there till it melted.

So off he trots into the garden, handful of frozen water cubes in hand. Pulls his pants and trousers down, lies on his back, spreads his legs, and ‘lays down the challenge’.

Fifteen seconds later he’s running round the garden screaming, with tears in his eyes.

“Man that knackered!” he sobs.

“Hmmm,” I reply.

“What a stupid fucking idea,” he continues.

“Hmmm” I repeat.

“Why did you let me do it?” He implores.

“Because you’re a cunt”.


Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen....


Flashback to early/mid 90’s. A new cosmetic personal hygiene product has been released in the UK, and has taken the market by storm. Simplistic in design, yet efficient in application, and economic in price, these genius inventions help remove blackheads from your nose. By simply applying a slightly adhesive square of paper, then peeling it off, you can remove whatever nastiness might have been clogging up your nasal pores.

Forget years of scientific research, never mind a R&D budget of millions, put all thoughts of the thousands strong workforce that made this thing a possibility out of your mind. My brother decides to create his own version with some super glue and the paper instructions from a kinder egg toy.

I wasn’t there to actually witness the moment of truth. I didn’t see him for two weeks afterwards. But even after all that time, he was still walking around with two layers of skin missing from half his nose, the other half covered in paper, and the whole sorry mess covered in writing, complete with cartoon diagrams, on how to construct a little wind up plastic car.

He very proudly told me about the sorry events that had led up to him looking this way. I had asked my mum, but she just sighed, shook her head and stared sorrowfully at the floor.


Glory Hallelujah...
(geegee, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 10:48, 4 replies)

Nicely done.
Not many good stories this QOTW, but I liked this :)
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:20, closed)

nice
"super glue and the paper instructions from a kinder egg toy." - the bizarre components of madness.

Would it be nice to have access to his train of thought as he put these two elements together, or a dangerous glimpse into the mind of an idiot?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:20, closed)

Hehe
Nicely told. Also, I once tried to get rid of some blackheads when I was a spotty youth by using teatree oil shampoo and electricians tape.

It didn't really work either...
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:53, closed)

This gets the seal of approval from me
*claps hand like a seal*
Arf arf arf!
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 9:01, closed)