Tube etiquette
I'm 6 ft something and have quite a broad chest. Generally I will be taller and broader than the average. Subsequently, when waiting in lines or crowds I can stop people trying to push their way to the front by simply standing there and being ready for the impact. I tell you this because it's relevant to the story (and so that you will be my friend).

Anyway, I was waiting for a tube train and the platform was crowded. As the train pulled up it to was crowded. You could tell that everyone had realised that some people were not going to get on this train.

The doors open and the push begins. Quite close to the door, I make sure that my lovely lady gets through and then I catch a blur out of corner of my eye. I tense, expecting a hit and bang. A businessman who had been close to running and had been pushing others out of the way met my left shoulder, bounced off it and ended up face first on the side of the tube train.

The man had the splattered on the side of a cliff face look that Wil.E. Coyote often had. He then pushed himself away from the train looking pretty dazed. Whilst this happened I had boarded the train, the doors had closed and had started to pull away.

I will never forget the look of confusion on his face and the people who had got on the train and seen all this laughing at the marks left on the window by a squashed businessman's face.
(7thtier 3rd from the left, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 13:34, 5 replies)

Amazing
Wish I had seen this...
(satanstolemyteddybear Mu hõljuk on angerjaid täis, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 15:50, closed)

As an occasional visitor to London
I'm a big fan of pushy capital-dwellers getting deserved comeuppance, especially on the tube.

Have a click.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 21 Jan 2010, 23:41, closed)

Same for me.
I'm quite pleased when someone tries to force their way onto a train as I'm getting off. One chap pushed a woman out of the way as he jumped towards the open doors, only to meet my braced shoulder as I was coming through.

He didn't half make a loud satisfying thump as he hit the deck. I even managed to look down in pity as I stepped over him.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 8:41, closed)

One of my wife's colleagues...
...is quite tall for a woman, 5'10"-ish perhaps, but otherwise shows no signs of freakish man-like strength.

Once, she happened to be in an absolutely-five-thirty-jam-packed-my-god-it's-hot-in-here central line carriage, jammed against the doors. At the next station, said doors slide open and people begin the usual jockeying to extract themselves from the vile oven that they call a transportation device.

Meanwhile on the (crowded, natch...) platform, a suited-and-booted braying-Henry-type decides not to wait patiently for folk to disembark, since the world in fact revolved around him. So, he launches himself at the wall of sweaty flesh and tries to get his precious self onto the train post-haste.

As he threw himself at the miserable commuters, a small but surprisingly strong pair of hands shot out and slipped under his arms, arresting his progress and leaving him dangling in mid air for a moment. Without saying a word, the tall, slim young woman attached to these hands then placed him back on the platform - at which point he, startled by the unexpected turn of events, promptly fell flat on his arse.

Those trying to leave the train could now exit unimpeded, and were promptly replaced by new travellers (victims?). The doors slid shut, leaving twunt still sat on the platform wondering where it all went wrong.

As the train pulled away, my wife's colleague was apparently the embarrassed recipient of a sustained round of applause...
(Aljrob, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:14, closed)

Good.
These people are bell ends and deserve their face splatting comeuppance.
( Moey, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 17:26, closed)