Back in the day where I was fresh with the company
we had a meeting with a very very big company bigwig. This was quite a break from the norm for us as our support centre is situated in Swansea, which is the company equivalent of being out in the sticks compared to our other offices, so when we were told we were having the head of the US side of our business visiting we were all to be ship-shaped up.

So he turns up in all his glory; to be honest he was a scrawny little man who looked like someone had put a suit on Abe from Abe's Odyssey. He had a squeaky breaky voice and seemed very nervous to be here. Oh well, we had a large meeting room with lines of office chairs and a projector set up for the bigwig to give us his "Everything is super in our company" speech.

Our team are ushered into this meeting and I end up sitting practically 1 foot away from where the bigwig is marching about, trying to assert himself. Besides me is Paul, the victim of this tale, who is blissfully unaware of what's going to happen to him. He's sitting pretty much directly in front of the bigwig, and trying not to look bored.

The meeting starts and everyone starts listening to him yapping about share prices etc ie everything business wise that means fuck all to the little guys who are sitting in the room who actually speak to our customers. We as a group slowly start to get bored and start slouching in our chairs. Paul's gone one further and started resting on the left arm of his chair; chin propped up on his arm with his elbow leaning down into the armrest.

I spot this and as I am bored shiteless with the meeting I start to plan. Under these armrests on our crap office chairs there is a little plastic switch, which when raised allows you to adjust the height of them, with a little pressure. While it had the added weight of Paul's body leaning onto this armrest, my right hand slowly reached over and flicked this switch.

The effect was awe inspiring; Paul's armrest shot down quickly pretty much throwing Paul off his chair. He stumbled forward and stopped literally 1 inch away from the bigwig's cock, who had paused and was taking in what was happening by his pants. A comedy second passed between them, before Paul scrambled back to his chair and sat up to full attention as if his life depended upon it. Bigwig didn't say a word, and then continued to waffle as if nothing happened.

I quietly glance behind me and see the rest of my team along with about 40 odd other workers all of which are sitting still trying not to piss themselves laughing (my direct managers included). Apparently if I managed to get Paul to make contact with his nads I would've had a promotion. He really was a rather boring cunt was the bigwig.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 14:26, 2 replies)

Ha!
Great post, sir! Great post - click!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 17:32, closed)

I'm on a two day "management retreat" soon
and I shall be checking out the comedy potential of the chairs to try and replicate this post. In between playing buzzword bingo and snoring lightly.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 21:19, closed)