I go to a gym
Yes, yes really I do. Well OK, sometimes. Rarely. Once this year. Alright fuck off now!

Anyway, my gym is a fairly top end establishment (if I am going to avoid going anywhere, I will at least avoid going somewhere with class). Unfortunately, it is also inhabited by those irretrievable cunts, the yummy mummy and satanic offspring. I swear to God, when the revolution comes, they will be first against the wall.

One day, I visited the gym. Having no spawn of my own, I have no ready reckoning on when half term is, other than it is one of the few weeks when I can get home from work without being cut up by some fuckspanner in a Volvo XC90. So I decided to head to the gym to bust some abs. Or should that me pound some glutes? Who cares...

As I walk in, I notice a workman fixing the automatic glass doors between reception and the bar (now can we see why I use this gym?) which have been out of order for months. They are fully open and he's doing something technical involving the windy mechanism. So anyway, off I trot, get changed, get sweaty and tired out, then leave the changing room to do some exercise (changing room lolz!)

Afterwards, I decide a nice cup of coffee and maybe some pastry based goodness will sustain me, so I sit on one of the nice sofas with a newspaper and my beverage. Unfortunately, a gaggle of MILFITFWALHs (Mothers I'd Like to Fuck In The Face With A Large Hammer) are sitting chatting away completely oblivious to the terror their crotchfruit are causing, running around the place like utter, utter cunts.

After about 10 minutes of this, my blood pressure is starting to raise. Then, one of the little fucks does something that made me wash my nostrils with latte: they ran clean into the newly repaired, and now newly closed, automatic doors. The noise made can best be described thus:

THOOOIIIIIIIIINNNNGNGNGNNGNGNNGG

SCCCCREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHHH

as the child does a comedy slide to the bottom of the doors where he/she/it lies in an inbred, snotty, waily heap, calling for mummy/nanny/Juanita.

All funny, but the funniest bit is when the workman, sitting on a chair having a cup of tea and reading the Sun, gets up, walks over to the door, gets out a small screwdriver and twiddles something, at which stage the doors spring open, and the child falls further to the floor.

Pure comedy.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 21 Jan 2010, 15:38, 3 replies)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 17:05, closed)

hehehehhheeeeee!
Click for MILFITFWALHs and crotchfruit
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 21:08, closed)

maybe
maybe it's the way your telling it, but it sounds like the workman had something to do with those doors being closed when the child ran at them. Is it possible the workman felt your pain, and did something to placate (concuss) the child?
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 16:38, closed)