Freefalling
When I was in the second year of University, we made the mistake of trying to arrange a 'nice' (read shithole) 'house' (read cardboard propping up a roof new-build) for our first foray out of the comfort of halls. The price we paid for our exuberance was that it was fucking miles out of the way.

Obviously this affected our actual learning very minimally, since none of us harboured any intentions of attending anything, but it did mean long walks home after nights out on the lash.

The route we used to take led us past a long ditch that ran along the side of the road which led into a nearby field. It was quite difficult to see how deep it was however, since it was obscured heavily by a multitude of overgrown weeds.

One night, feeling particularly witty, I decided to push my mate into the ditch. Having a not a large frame myself, but being noticeably larger than my mate, I was confident of quite a hilarious tumble, but he only went a couple of feet down the slope before recovering, bollocks.

I should have seen the revenge coming, but I didn't expect to be barged by a 6'2" chunky brummie as well, and the resulting shove lifted me free of the ground and in a graceful arch into the depths of the abyss, whereupon I found out just how deep the ditch was (very).

Fucking cunts. Not only had I sustained quite a fall, but I was surrounded entirely by stinging nettles, face, exposed arms, the lot, and my arse was wedged so firmly into the foliage, I couldn't actually get myself up! I lay there like a beached whale while they wandered about like lemons trying to work out where the fuck they had actually launched me too, before attempting a drunken rescue operation.

I had a painful walk the next day to the chemist to attempt to coax my mouth into asking for anti-histamines.

I really wish i'd shoved my mate harder first time.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 10:16, Reply)