My Best man 'Ginge'..
is the man behind 'Misery Tours' a ficticious company invented by he as a way of explaining why so many things go wrong when he's around. 'Welcome to another Misery Tours Adventure' accompanied by a gleeful smile & a frantic nose rubbing is his explanation for any recent acts of misfortune. Actions that he's almost certainly responsible for.

A large proportion of his misery is almost certainly related to him being as blind as a bat without his glasses/contacts on.

I'll document a small numbre of his adventures in bitesized chunks as they come back to my ageing memory. When told by himself, with [actions] and [embelishments] (herein created) and with participation and verification by legitimate witnesses he can hold his audience in the palm of his hand. He even made a small stand-up routine he acted out about his adventures in a comedy store in his new home city of Sydney. His most infamous episode is called

*The Lip balm Incident*

When he still lived in the UK one hot sunny Sunday he found himself with dry lips and ventured up to the medicine cabinet for some Bonjela or similar. Rubbing the soothing ointment on to his lips [gentle soothing lip rubbing motion] he sensed that something was not quite right [puzzled look]. As he looked into the mirror he realised that the chalky looking coating on his lips wasn't quite right [puzzled frown]. Looking back to the tube of Bonjela he read the fateful brand name 'Super Bazooka Veruccha Ointment' [dawning realisation/look of despair].

"Wash it off fast" [lip washing motions]
"It's not coming off" [look of horror more frantic lip washing motions]
"It's still there. Must read instructions." [frantic instruction reading motions]
"Forms a solid waterproof barrier." [look of panic]

[Even more frantic scrubbing motions]

As the substance continues to dry Ginge decides that a bit of vigorous scrubbing is in order and takes his toothbrush to his own lips. [Furious scrubbing motion]. Minutes later and the waterproof barrier seems undisturbed.

A moment of genius strikes him and he rummages in the wifes makeup bag for tweezers and starts to pluck tentatively at the scabby coating on his lips. [tentative plucking motions]

After some time there seems to be some progress being made but it's clear this stuff isn't going anywhere and he now has loose flaps of solid Veruccha ointment hanging from his increasingly tender lips.

Taking some small nail scissors and snipping away at the loose flaps
seems like a rational idea to Ginge [Delicate snipping motions] until he snips part of his already battered lips, dabs tissue on the blood and gives it up as a bad job.

"I know what will get this off. Nail polish remover. Solvents shift this sort of stuff all the time."


This is the moment in the story where his now ex-wife used to interrupt his story as she recounted how the blood curdling scream of her husband is heard from the garden and after sprinting up the stairs finds a grown adult on the bathroom floor in the foetal position crying like a girl.


The following day, a lovely Sunny Monday morning I get wind of this adventure from one of his work colleagues. Heading over to their building and pressing the intercom I announce my presence and Ginge comes down to open the door. My look of amused glee is enough for him to realise I know what's happened and I am greeted by a man with the lips of a snake trying to say 'Fuck off' like he's trying to be a Ventriloquist.


Apologies for length but when told properly he can spin this one out for about 1/2 an hour to the glee of his audience.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)