Dog prang
I used to have an Airedale Terrier, later killed by latent cat evil - he had a heart attack and died while barking at one of our feline friends.

As you might imagine, any dog that could bark himself to death wasn't your smooooshy and docile type of pet. PTony - the dog - was no exception. He was a dog jacked on crack, a perfect case for doggie Ritalin, huge and hyperactive in equal measures; the best I could hope for on any day was that he didn't decide to climb up the chimney...again.

He had a favourite game which involved mindlessly running around in circles for hours on end. Occasionally I'd require an adrenalin rush and step into this game with a tennis ball. I'd run, he'd run, he'd lob the tennis ball through something made of Expensive - much fun was had. On this day, I became distracted by something superpretty and shiny in the distance and stopped to drop jaw in awe. PTony, with a head of 8 parts concrete and 2 parts thick-o, kept moving like a perpetual motion idiot machine and PRANG! ran into my knee. My knee bore the brunt of such force that I was thrown across the room, tumbling until I hit the wall. And then the pain hit.

Being the big strong girl that I am, I lay screaming and crying on the floor, clawing at my flesh in abject agony. PTony, in a show of canine sympathy, wandered over to me to find out what I might taste like when I inevitably perished from my knee injury. He sniffed me for a second, then stood on top of me.

My husband came home an hour later to find the dog holding me down with two paws on my shoulders and the others on my stomach, trying to shove a tennis ball in my mouth.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 11:19, 6 replies)

I don't care if it's true.
I love this story. Real life office lolling.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 26 Jan 2010, 12:53, closed)

The cold weather limp...
...many years later, is the terrible reminder that it actually is true.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 13:47, closed)

Cat Crippled
sames stroy cept substitute dog on crack with cat on coke, substitue tenis ball with small mouse toy.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 14:36, closed)

I think this story proves...
...cats can totally eat it.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 22:49, closed)

Splendid!
0.8 click for my coffee filled snort at the sentence "he'd lob the tennis ball through something made of Expensive"

0.4 click for calling your dog PTony (after the tortoise I assume?)

1.6 clicks for the image of the auto-erotic-ball-gag-injury-fetish-doggy-BDSM-rape scenario.

Many thanks!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 26 Jan 2010, 15:51, closed)

PTony
After Ptolemy. His pre-me Burnley name was Fudge. Fudge! I mean, c'mon, I find poop very funny indeed but I don't want to name my dog after it.

I won't (but I will) comment on his ability to unlock doors and use doorknobs, then bounds in at inopportune moments. THERE WAS NO ESCAPE.

I adored the fuzzy fucker, but he was a nightmare. I cried like a bastard when he died, though.

Even if a dog is 1/100 of one of your precious children, it is still a huge loss.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 22:48, closed)