Time for a timely re-post.
Dr Shambolic, you are a twat and a bore. Note: a twat. Not a cunt, you don't deserve that, you are merely a twat, a tit, a twirling spunkledite, fluff, foam, detritus, leavings, spillings, to be swept away and forgotten. Your ridiculous, unfunny username peppers this site like Kaposi's sarcoma sores on the ass of an AIDS patient. Are you trying to 'win' the internet? If so can't we just say 'well done Dr Shambles! You've won!' so you'd just fuck off? I doubt that would work, because you incontinently crave attention like a mewling shit-nappied new-born baby.

Therefore, I really should ignore you, because indifference is the wisest option with self-obsessed knobshiners such as yourself. I, however, am not particularly wise, hence this ill-advised diatribe. But hey, what else is the internet for, if not ill-advised diatribes?

That said, I do not wish death on you, or wish to see your nearest and dearest perish in a house fire as you look on sobbing. Or have them look on sobbing as you die writhing and screaming of cancer. That shit is for amateurs! It's too easy, on the internet, to go over the top, to go for the most shocking insult. That's not my style! I wish you and yours a long and happy life!

There's just one thing I'd like you to do. One simple thing.

Turn your computer off (if you can) and go outside (again, if you can). Go to your nearest supermarket, if they will let a dribbler like you in, and purchase a big jar of pickled onions. The biggest jar you can find. If you can locate a catering-sized jar, that's great! If you can only find small jars, purchase three or four. Don't worry about the brand - it's quantity we're after, not quality.

Whilst in the supermarket, feel free to make any sundry purchases you might require. Why not? Go nuts! Even have a cup of tea and a slice of cake in their 'restaurant.' In fact, I insist you do this, and enjoy it too. Tea and cake! What's not to love?

When you get back home with your purchases, please put them all away except for the jar(s) of pickled onions. These, I want you to open. Then, I want you to undo your belt (or braces, I can see you as a braces man, fat and sweaty) and trousers. Then remove your underwear (somehow, I visualise off-white boxer shorts adorned with faded skidmarks). You may wish to kick off your shoes and socks as well. Or go totally naked! Hey, it's your house (or bedsit, I reckon), so what you get up to is your own business! No-one will see! Knock yourself out.

Then I want you to go to the jar(s) of pickled onions, take out a single pickled onion, and insert it up your ass. Right up, as far as it can go. Then, take another, and do the same. Right up. As far as it can go. Then, take another, and another, and do the same, until the jar(s) is(are) empty.

Will you do this one small thing for me?

Thanks in advance for your co-operation.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 17:41, 3 replies)

UPSET^^^^

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 18:02, closed)

Very deeply upset
I'm shaking with anger as I type and I can barely see the screen for hot fat tears of impotent rage
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 18:11, closed)

Yeah. Gonna read precisely as much of that as I do all your other semi-literate fanfic.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 18:06, closed)

It's highly literate
baby, you just have no taste.

And it's all true, everything I write is true.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 18:12, closed)

Yeah. Taste and literacy aren't the same thing, petal.
You'd know that if you weren't so thick and illiterate.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 19:03, closed)

Pickled
Onions.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 18 Jan 2014, 19:28, closed)

I doubt he is capable of following this instruction Skagra
I reckon he would just end up with pickled onions squashed all over his elbows and arms.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 21 Jan 2014, 11:50, closed)