I wrote a trilogy of poems about sausages over the weekend.
Which goes a little something like . . .

...this.

I really do love sausages!
They make me scream and shout.
They look like sausages when you eat them.
And also when...you poo them out.

They just make so so bloody happy!
They make me sing, dance, skip and whistle!
When I bite down on those heavenly tubes
Of ground up pig flesh, fat and gristle.

So come on girl, lie down beside me.
Just don't be a cow or a bossy bitch.
All that I need is a kiss from your lips
And an infinite number of sausages.



My sausages are good, they fill me full of glee,
They're long and round and tasty, and very sausagy.
Sausages are fucking great, you know just what that means!
You eat the cunts with some hash browns, and eggs and toast and beans.
I love sausage porn on the Internet, it takes up all my bandwidth,
I have a wank and then I have, a lovely sausage sandwich.
I just fucking love sausages! I am a sausage sucker!
I have to fill my girlfriend's cunt with sausage meat, that's the only way I'll fuck her.




I munch on sausage all day long,
With sausages you can't go wrong,
So happy that I sing this song,
About the sausages issue.
Sausages are my favourite snack,
You try them once you won't go back,
But then you have a heart attack,
Those tubes of connective tissue.

It's sausage time! Hip hip hooray!
Sausages just make my day!
I really love them, I must say:
I'm not a sausage decliner.
They really are a tasty treat,
Made with cuts of grade A meat,
Piglets ears and piglets feet,
And bits of pigs vagina.

I'll tell you what I want to do,
And that's to have a sausage stew,
That's dinner there for me and you,
But you can't cook them in a hurry.
Or grill some, put some in a roll,
Or make a sausage casserole,
And that sounds great, I'll have a bowl,
Or I might just order a curry.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 18:32, 2 replies)

That is
brilliant. APPLAUSE!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 19:01, closed)

Reminds me of one of my own works....
This won awards!

Scream For Your Sausage

Scream for your sausage!
Cry for your pie!
Fight for your Scotch egg!
Be prepared to die.

Stock up your larder
With wares of all kinds,
Save your left-overs -
Your crusts and your rinds,

For Ivor is coming,
That fat Northern beast -
Ivor is coming!
And he wants a Feast.

He wants twenty chickens
Roasted on racks,
With sizzling bacon
Hot on their backs.

He wants a fresh piglet
Gutted and jointed,
With exotic oils
Its pert rump anointed.

He wants a whole herd
- This beggars belief –
Of homosexual heifers
Turned into beef!

He wants a Scotch egg
The size of the moon!
He wants twenty of them -
And NOW, not “soon”!

He wants your bathtubs
Brimming with beer
(There won’t be room
For baby, I fear).

He wants all the cheeses
Ever devised
Gathered before his
Bulging blue eyes.

He wants tubs of lard
Paraded at dawn
By fit Northern lasses
With buttocks of brawn.

He wants... too much,
I hear you all cry -
Tough luck, you bastards,
He’s that kind of guy.

So scream for your sausage -
It won’t do no good,
Because hungry Ivor
Wants ALL YOUR FOOD.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 19:03, closed)

I like this.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 7:38, closed)