this is poignant now...
Remember the Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam song Moon Shadow? The lyrics are about a guy freaking out about losing his faculties, but finding some cop-out silver lining to each event. If he loses his eyes he won't have to cry, or if he loses his hands, he won't have to work, that sort of thing. Well, that's me that is. This really isn't a terrible 'poor me' post (OK, maybe a bit but that can't be helped) so hang in there for a minute or two.

I used to make a living - indeed, have a great life - as a performing guitarist. Sort of flamenco-fusion style stuff which I did through the '90's mainly with a band and/or guitar partner, and we travelled about the globe a bit with it. Creating, performing and recording music, especially of the instrumental variety, is a hugely emotional thing to do. So in a sense apart from maybe sex and argument it makes up the whole of your world of feelings. Things changed, we all moved apart, I got working in other areas, but always had playing guitar as my own satisfaction and release. I was a pretty handy classical guitarist too, and I could usually bring myself to tears with a particularly good rendition of certain pieces.

Then I got this freakin' disease. I have a progressive and degenerative disorder (won't bother y'all with the medical details) that is taking my faculties from me a bit at a time. It will also most likely - but not certainly - be the death of me sometime in the next handful of years. My hands were among the first things to go. I can type - poorly now and using two fingers only, which is good because I can barely speak understandably. Or sing, which is no loss to the world, believe me. Can't eat or drink (get fed by a tube), eyes are problematic, body stiffening up and underweight (take that big girls!)all sorts. Poor me stuff over now, thanks. So you can see how 'Moon Shadow' makes me laugh a bit.

But that's not the thing. The thing is, that without being able to express myself musically, my life as a listener (ears work fine - yay!) has grown enormously. So now, I am more moved by music than ever before. sure, much of it's predictable stuff; off the top of my head The Flower Duet from the opera Lakshme, The Pearl Fisherman duet, some Evanescence stuff (Amy Lee and I share a birthday 12 years apart), obviously lots of flamenco and classical guitar, and these days many varieties of the human voice. Just instant tears.

And yet, in the midst of all that, there are the darndest things, which get me every time. A little happy riff in a Marta Topferova song, this 4 bars of bassline in Fell In Love With a Boy by Joss Stone (yeah, I mean wtf?) and certain guitar solos of Dave Gilmour's for example. Some really unexpected stuff. Why is that do you think?

Well, that's me these days. Got to admit, I'm a better and happier muso for all of it, even if I can't play no more.

Honestly, Joss Stone?
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Sat 30 Jan 2010, 3:46, Reply)