another cousin
she's a year older than me(35), but you'd swear to listen to her talk that she was 6.

when we were kids, she'd get £40 a week "clothing allowance", despite the fact that all her clothes were bought for her. she'd take me shopping with her, just to rub in my face the fact that she had money and i didn't. her father worked every hour god sent to provide for his family, but it was never enough for her.

in her teenage years, something strange happened: she became temporarily nice. she would treat me to days out, meals, nights on the town, the lot. of course, they all had to be where and when she wanted to go, i had no say in the matter.

scroll forward about ten years and she's become a raving loon. she works for a temp agency, mainly because she can't hold down a full-time job. she's left every job due to "bullying". basically, she goes in there on the first day and expects everyone to instantly idolise her. she will pick on the quietest, most hard-working person there and decide that they've got something against her(i.e they didn't fall at her feet in wonderment the second they met her). she will then sneakily talk to everyone else in the office, slagging this poor person off and spreading malicious lies.
inevitably, word gets back to her victim, who then has a genuine reason not to like her. however, if they confront her about her behaviour, she will go to her supervisor(who she has done her best to befriend) and make a formal complaint. when the supervisor tells her she doesn't have a genuine grievance, she goes straight to the boss and whinges about how her supervisor and the other poor sod she's got it in for have been ganging up on her. she invents insults and fictitious nasty e-mails, then demands that disciplinary action be taken. of course, after talking to the rest of the staff, the boss realises what a grade-A loony she is and she's asked to leave. she then spends 2 weeks sobbing because "it's all their fault, i did nothing wrong!" yeah, except using their phones to talk to your mates all day, take at least one fag break every half hour, talk to clients like shit and alienate the entire office.
stupid bitch.

this same prime example of fuckwittery has just had a huge flaming row with her mum.
why?
because, after being in hospital with a severe chest infection for a week, her mum feels that she's not quite got the strength yet to care for my cousin's 2-year-old son every day. for free. with not a word of thanks. while her fella sits at home and pretends he's too busy to look after his own son.

i didn't realise just how much i hate her.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 3:02, 9 replies)

Jeebers! I work with her!
I know this character-type - I work with her everyday (How do I find the strength not to stab her?!)
Just sit back and watch her fuck herself up; these kinds of people inevitably do....
Cheers Matey!
CFS
(catflap I went out with Nicholas Parsons, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 5:33, closed)

i can't wait for that to happen
for 10 years, i was the one she'd call, usually in tears, every time she lost a job or a boyfriend due to her petulant whining. i'd make all the correct soothing noises, i was always there for her, never too busy to let her cry on my shoulder. 2 months ago, she sent me a text saying "don't contact me anymore, i don't need selfish people like you in my life. i'm tired of always doing for others and getting nothing in return."
WTF??? i told her to fuck off, naturally.
when i went into hospital a week later, she phoned to see if i was alright because she just couldn't live with herself if anything happened to me and we weren't talking. yeah, way to soothe your own conscience!
the day i got out of hospital after my op, lots of people were calling to wish me well and ask if i needed anything. she phoned, in tears, demanding that i sort out her problems as she'd been fired from yet another job and her old temp agency had taken her off their books.
we haven't spoken since, for which i am truly thankful.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 15:06, closed)

Kick her
in the cunt.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 9:21, closed)

Cunt her
in the fuck.
(highly_defined, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 10:23, closed)

oh, how i would love to.
she is the bane of my existence.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 14:57, closed)

We need to start listing
the awful cousins and then form a b3ta lynch mob to go around and kick the shit out of them all, one at a time ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:06, closed)

i have a very long list :(

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 18:34, closed)

I think you should...
...spread her legs apart, put on your huge great nailed shoes, and kick her in the cunt for half a fucking hour, until you are exhausted. And then say 'cousin - would you get a polaroid of THAT please'

*clicky*
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 14:22, closed)

if i had the chance to do that
without fear of reprisal, i'd happily ruin a pair of jimmy choos on the bitch.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 0:20, closed)