What to do?
I have a small amount of experience, I was an au-pair for 6 months. Two boys, 5 and 8. The younger was an angel, always happy to help with chores, willing to try new things, he even listened to reason when I had to ask him to do things I knew he didn't want to do. If I could have just worked with him I'd go back right now.
The older one was a total shit. Presumably as the first child he'd been doted on until his brother turned up. He expected everything to be done for him, always thought he knew best, had huge screaming rows with his mum, frequently trashed his bedroom, throwing things, making his brother cry if his brother ever won a game we played together etc... I had a really hard time not letting it out that I didn't like him. His parents constantly undermined me when I tried to get him to do anything by telling me to let him have his way. Only when they were out was he ok - after a month or two he realized I didn't take the same shit from him that his parents did. His parents often came home and were stunning that I'd put him to bed and got him to sleep - it took them hours.

I think when I left he was genuinely the most upset.

It'll be difficult, particularly at first, but if you do go for it with this woman you'll have to be the hated 'bad cop', but you may end up being closer to this kid in the long run.

I found the key was to set expectations before anything e.g. you can watch tv for until 8 (30mins or so) and then I'll read you a story before you go to bed. Before the TV goes on you have to be ready for bed, teeth brushed etc. If you don't get ready for bed quickly you're missing TV time.
There is a fixed time when the TV goes off and they know it and if they cause a fuss story time is reduced.
Explain everything clearly and calmly beforehand - it's all carrots and sticks.

It's got to be a regime that encourages self-discipline: if they mis-behave they're hurting themselves more than you. When you're disciplining them stay calm (getting angry is counter-productive - they know they've got to you and will try and keep pushing you) and explain exactly what you told them at the start and why you're taking the privileges away - you may need to give them some time alone being angry before they're able to listen to you.

Hope thats helpful - please don't think I'm being patronizing - don't know if you've got experience with kids yourself - when I took that job I had very little experience and 'common sense' seemed like a revelation to me!

Good luck.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 8:51, Reply)