Haha - I've just remembered this one...
And I don't know why I've failed to remember it until now, my mum was talking about it this morning.

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I was a very hyperactive child. ANY colourings or additives would send me super-crazy and wild. As such, my mum had a bit of a job keeping me entertained with sweeties whilst making sure they weren't going to turn me into the Tasmanian Devil.

However, one day, she made a slip.

She'd let me have a packet of Skittles (other fruit-flavoured confectionery is available) before a shopping sojourn round Sheffield.

I was 5 at the time, and my brother was three, so to keep us in check, mum held my hand and had our kid in those reins things that are surely banned in Western society by now.

During the journey plodding up the hill from the bus station to the shops, I'd apparently whipped myself into such a forment that my mum had already took me to one side for a smacked bum - something she was particularly adept at - and warned that there'd be no more sweeties for a week if I kept this game up.

Later, my mum decided to treat herself with a fancy top from TopShop (well posh in Sheffield during the 1980s) and so we were dragged down Fargate.

On our way to TopShop, we passed a toy shop, which had got some new Matchbox cars in the window. Being clever even then I knew that despite us being skint, my mum would occasionally keep me and our kid pacified with such items to quell the longing for more expensive items like a bike or ZX Spectrum.

Anyway... upon seeing a Matchbox Ferrari, I went on my quest for model car wonderment:

Me: "Mum, please can I have that Matchbox car?"
Mum: "No Scentless, mum's got to buy some clothes today..."
Me: "Please"
Mum: "No"
Me: "PLEASE"
Mum: "NO."
Me: "PLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEEEEE!"
Mum: "Scentless, that's it, you get no more treats for a month..."

Cue tears and screaming from me. Which carry on all the way up to and into TopShop.

Mum's walking round a rather busy bit when I say

"MUM YOU NEVER BUY ME ANYTHING IT'S NOT FAIR WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BUY CLOTHES FOR YOURSELF AND NEVER BUY ME AND HIM NO TREATS!!!"

And try to leg it across the shop.

My mum in a mix of rage and embarrassment, promptly grabs my arm to stop said escape plan. However, I'm going in the opposite direction with such skittled-powered force, that something in my arm goes 'pop'.

In the melee, my arm had managed to dislocate itself from my shoulder.

My mum, bless her, in a panic, exclaimed to a now captivated audience: "It's OK, this always happens" and bolted out of the door, me under one arm, wailing like a banshee and our kid wrenched into the open air in his reins, straight onto the bus for the hospital, all the while crying her eyes out.

Anyway, my arm was relocated into my shoulder, we all went home happy as larry like a good one parent family should.

And then once inside the door, my mum gave me the slippering of all slipperings, I was sent straight to bed ('FOR YOUR OWN BLOODY GOOD' as my mum put it), and my whole Matchbox toy car collection was sent to Mozambique via Oxfam because 'they appreciate their treats better', to teach me a lesson once and for all.

Serves me right.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 21:25, 6 replies)

Hahaahaha,
son!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 21:32, closed)

If it's any consolation
Your mom castigates herself when ever she remembers the pop of your shoulder and cries a little.


from personal experience
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 22:16, closed)

I'm sure you're right,
but I suspect that Scentless doesn't require consolation - he seems to retrospectively appreciate his mother's strictness.

Probably not at the time, though.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 22:33, closed)

It's refreshing
to see you say "Serves me right." - I think that too many people (mostly the kind of person this QOTW is all about, admittedly) would have told that story in a 'my parents were so unfair to me' sort of light. Nice to see that you appreciate the discipline shown to you.
(Mr. In-Between has regretted posting this ever since, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 10:39, closed)

She probably sent you to bed
so she wouldn't actually kill you ... and also so she could have a damn good cry.

*click*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 13:07, closed)

Reins are still used these days..
just less places stock them.

We use them with my 20 month old niece and they are great! She wants to walk around all day when out shopping, she can! she cant get far, and you can stop her getting close enough to the shelves in shops to pick anything up!
(Inflatable Aardvark, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 22:38, closed)