As far as I know
The violence is the exception rather than the rule, and she has only resorted to it when all other attempts to get her own way have failed.
From what I have seen and what others have said, my dad and the rest of the family have become used to doing whatever it takes for a quiet life... and so although she still rules the roost I don't think she is actively "abusive" any more. (I could be wrong, I don't know).

One of her control techniques is (as I said before) to do absolutely everything in the home, which although it has disempowered my dad, means he is waited on hand and foot as long as he toes the line... She can come across as the nicest, sweetest, most caring person when it suits her... Very similar to the control freak I was with... But the cynic in me wonders whether this is one of the reasons for his not standing up to her. Maybe when his life is quiet it's a pretty good life... I don't know...
I do think he has suffered from guilt which along with her beating down of his self esteem has resulted in a man who believes he has to simply put up and shut up.

I can't swoop in there and "rescue" him, as I said there are others involved, and I don't know if they or my dad would want it. But I have told him if he wants to change his situation I will help him as much as he needs.

However... there have been unexpected developments in the last week (which I don't want to go into here in case of repercussions). It could be make or break or it could be nothing. We shall see...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:38, Reply)