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This is a question Sporting Woe

In which we ask a bunch of pasty-faced shut-ins about their exploits on the sports field. How bad was it for you?

Thanks to scarpe for the suggestion.

(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:40)
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The horror the horror…I still have flashbacks…….
During my last few years at secondary school the teachers seemed to decide to start a few new sports clubs up as a way to make it look like they were actually doing their job and getting the kids to actually partake in sports. Due to this I was assigned to take part in the basketball team and to be honest I wasn’t too bad. Sure I was not the best but I still made it into the squad and trained with them.

After a few months worth of training our teacher Mr M was pretty impressed and decided to arrange a friendly or two to see how we went. This plan failed almost instantly as we were a school in Barnsley, a place where the main sports taught at school were either football, rugby or beating up anyone that looks smarter than a root vegetable. After the umpteenth knockback from a school that had no basketball team Mr M came up with a great idea two matches against our own schools (all girl) netball team- one game of netball followed by a basketball game a week later.

The lads were rather confident in beating the girls netball team, after all netball is a softer version of basketball so we would walk it. Also the bigger lass who was known as the more mental of the team was away on holiday so only the smaller petite girls were left to play against us.

Oh dear.

In hindsight I should have realised that the girls finger nails looked a little longer than usual but at the time I was useless with regards to observations like that and thought that all women had their nails like that. They were also Barnsley women and therefore can handle themselves pretty well.

The instant we got the ball it all went wrong. Anyone who held the ball for longer than a second were pounced upon by 2 or more screeching harpies slicing away at whatever they could with their nails. The referee was the netball coach and therefore let as much as possible go their way.

I am proud to say that I managed to last most of the game, that’s mainly because we lost a few players due to off the ball incidents that ended with a swollen jaw to one guy and two cases of groinal bruising to our better players. The players left on the court looked like they had been used as a scratching post for a group of tigers.

As we were heading down to the showers to clean off the blood one of the girls skipped by and loudly said “ Can’t wait for next week, Becks is back and basketball is more of a contact sport isn’t it?”.

The basketball game was called off due to half our team not turning up the week after due to illness or forgetting their kit.

Are all girls netball teams this nasty or is it just something in the water in Barnsley?

TL;DR= Basketball team learns that netball playing women are demented
(, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)

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