Not Sports Day
But school sport nonetheless.

I went to a comprehensive where football and rugby were the big sports. The highlight of the sports year was the annual match against one of the posh public schools in Newcastle and this one year, even thought I wasn't playing, I was determined to help my school win over the posh bastards - by any means.

So on the day of the match I snuck into the opposing teams changing rooms and doctored the grease they plaster themselves with.

(Explanation - It's bloody cold where I come from during the winter so the rugger lads used to have tubs of thick grease that they'd use to give their bare skin some protection form the cold.)

Anyway, I mixed the grease in the tubs with some muscle liniment called "Firey Jack". It's a kind of deep-heat treatment for muscle strains and, after a few minutes, burns like hell.....

So the opposing team eventually arrived, got changed and slathered themselves liberally with my concoction. Then they ran onto the pitch and the match started - and quickly descended into chaos!

At first they just looked uneasy. Then started rubbing themselves. Then, when they realised that something was up with the whole team, panic set in.

The guy I can remember the best was one of their props. He'd ripped his shorts off and was frantically rubbing his groin and moaning:

"Me plums, Christ me plums are on fire..."

And so the match was abandoned. The culprit was quickly caught (Grassing bastards!) and I was hauled in front of the headmaster for a severe beating and threatened with expulsion.

It was worth it though just to see that posh kid screaming about his plums.......

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 30 Mar 2006, 11:27, Reply)