i suffer from insomnia
and like to go for late-night walks to tire myself out.

one night, i was about half a mile from home, when i noticed there was a guy following me. i crossed the road several times, doubled back on myself, all the old tricks. he was still following me.

i'd been walking in well-lit areas up till now, but the last street before my block had broken streetlights and dark alleys. i didn't want him following me down there, he could have attacked me without anyone seeing.

i walked around the corner about 10 seconds before him and waited.

as he walked around the corner, he jumped, seemingly startled to find me there. he stopped as, conjuring up the weirdest "smile" i could muster, i leaned towards him and said "i like the vans without the windows".

it worked! suitably freaked out, he turned around and hurriedly set off back the way we had come. i waited until he had gone a couple of hundred yards, then ran the rest of the way home. it was only once i was safely inside that i realised just how lucky i had been. i wouldn't suggest to anyone that they adopt this approach, it might very well get them killed.

i never go for night-time walks these days without some kind of weapon.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 16:33, 8 replies)

Good ploy!
I always try the MAD card - it usually works a treat (not usually down dark alleys mind!)
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 16:57, closed)

soozysooz
it's worked for me a few times in different situations, but i don't think i'd rely on it again without some form of backup. there are just too many real weirdos out there!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 17:01, closed)

classic line
"I like the vans withouit the windows"

fucking classic, love it.
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 17:02, closed)

jasper
i'd love to claim that line, but i heard it somewhere a while ago. can't for the life of me think where, though ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 17:52, closed)

Isn't insomnia a blighter for keeping one awake!
I like the "vans without windows". I too favour the "I can out-mental-freak you, you twisted twunt" approach. I like to tick furiously, Tourettes-style while snarling "RED WINE WITH FISH!"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 18:40, closed)

tourette's
if you want a simple fix, just stare 3 inches above their ear and say "mmmmmmm, cheese!"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 23:15, closed)

insomnia :(
I used to do the same, going for long walks to try and tire myself out. It got to the point where lack of sleep had me genuinely spaced out and doing things which in a clear state of mind would have been judged unbearably reckless.
I walked around parks in both North and South London (wherever I was living at the time) after dark, asking strangers for cigarettes and so on. It was very weird.

Fortunately for me I'm a six foot three broad-shouldered young man and the average prospective mugger didn't get close enough to note my lack of muscle tone and soft Oxfordshire upbringing.

Sleep's ace, isn't it?
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 9:40, closed)

@mockingbird
i don't know about reckless, but i get very sarcastic when i've had no sleep. it's so bad that my family have picked up on it, because i'm usually a nice person. my mum used to ask my sister to bring a joint or two to mine so i could get some sleep, despite the fact that mum has never smoked and hates drugs! :)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 2:32, closed)