But I've got a girlfriend...
On my journeys home back in my school days, I occasionally walked past this ‘girl’ who’s face looked like a bucket of smashed crabs and was a tad on the obese side.

Anyhoo to cut a long story short, at a soiree in the local nightclub towards the end of sixth form, I bumped into her ugliness. Well I didn’t bump into her, she cornered me.

“Hello, do you know me, I know you.”

Really? (Getting more and more perturbed as she slathers like a wolf staring at a baby, crippled lamb)

“You remind me of someone”.

Who?

“Elvis” (I look nothing like the King, aside from dark hair).

I have a girlfriend! I spout out.

“She’s not here”, her mongness retorts

No, she’s at university

“I wasn’t trying to do anything, I just wanted to talk, can’t we just talk for a minute”.


She then starts to have a hysterical break down in the middle of the club and starts pawing at me through her tear-strewn face.

Cue my sharp exit and a major detour on the way back from school henceforth. I felt guilty for ages, but just couldn’t handle it. I hope she manged to sort herself out and get an exercise bike or something.

Length? Extremely flaccid thank god!
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 11:50, Reply)