Working
as an English teacher in Modena.

One evening, I started with a new class. Two teenage boys and a middle aged woman, Valeria.

The class passed without incident, perfectly pleasant and diligent group...

Same time next week.

"I have bought you this elephant keyring, if you accept it then we are FRIENDS FOREVER." - Valeria

"Um OK, thanks." - Me

"Plus I have written you a letter." - V

She hands me a roll of neverending love odes on yellow paper, half-Italian, half-horrible-English and utterly mental throughout.

She then took it upon herself to wait outside school when she knew I had free time, having consulted my timetable from my bag when I went out of the room. I would treat her like paparazzi after a while, putting shades on and covering my face to get to my car.

I managed to survive various other gifts, propositions and general hanging around until my time came to leave the country. On the day I was shifting my suitcases around ready for the taxi, she turned up at my house, gave me a fully annotated copy of Romeo e Giulietta and burst out in tears declaring her eternal love for me.

"Bye bye." - Me

For the ensuing 6 months, I was bombarded with up to 10 emails A DAY (email address found rooting through school secretary's stuff!) on the subject of love, devotion, life, death, and numerous other irrelevant themes until she finally, just, stopped.

Nice lady.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Sat 2 Feb 2008, 18:16, Reply)