Agent Steve
Once upon a time, I was a naive fourteen year old. Myspace had just started, and I was one of the first to sign up. I, of course, thought I was unbelievably cool at finding it, and used it mostly to look at band's profiles.

Then, one day, I got a message from a guy in his late twenties to early thirties, saying he really loved my music taste. I was flattered as hell, because at fourteen getting any attention from anyone older than you is pretty unheard of (at least then.) So we sent quite a few messages, discussing the cure and such, and exchanging views. At the time I was very easy to win over - if you could type halfway coherently, I liked you, since aged fourteen everyone my age typed like they'd fallen face first onto a keyboard.

About a fortnight after we'd been messaging each other, he asked for my msn. I did stop and think then, but since this was in the day when people didn't really realise the dangers of kids + internet = bad things, I didn't think for too long. He seemed like a nice bloke, and I decided I could block him if he got annoying and/or creepy.

So we carried on talking for ages, then one day he announced that he was in a band and that he'd appreciate my opinion of it. Of course, I was a sucker for that, since the idea of anyone appreciating my musical taste aged fourteen was unheard of. I clicked on the link, and lo and behold, it was not a band's website. In fact it was a rather different type of website.

I freaked and asked him, trying to be calm, if he was sure that was the right link. Cue mister "I care about your musical opinion" turning into the biggest creep around, asking me about how it made me feel. I blocked him and deleted him from my friend's list on myspace.

Except it turns out people can have more than one email address? Who knew?!

He added me with about twenty of them, asking me for my address because he wanted to meet up with me, and he kept sending me stuff via myspace. I'd made the mistake of telling him my general location and I was scared as hell he'd find out where I lived and went to school, especially as my friend's myspaces weren't on private and they had our school info up. He followed me onto sites, and kept threatening to turn up on my doorstep, and generally followed me around the internet, tracking me via my username that I then used everywhere.

This went on for about another fortnight before I decided to get a photo of my brother who is seven years older than me and who had a beard, and changed the photos of a fourteen year old girl to one of a twenty one year old guy with a beard. I told him I'd been lying and that I was named Agent Steve with the FBI.

The idiot bought it and started apologising, saying he was only fourteen too, and that he'd lied about his age because he thought girls liked older guys.

Every time after that anyone tried perving on me via myspace, out came Agent Steve.
Worked a charm.

Length? I dunno, seems a bit of a personal question to ask someone from the FBI.
(stopmakingmeexplode, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 0:18, 7 replies)

Agent Steve...
that is a really good idea. congrats!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 5 Feb 2008, 0:33, closed)

Ha Ha
Agent Steve! That is brilliance. I think it's pretty funny that a creepy kiddy groomer would get freaked out by a fake FBI agent who goes by his first name :)
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 9:29, closed)

A truly ingenious solution...
...but you get the click for 14-year olds typing "like they'd fallen face first onto the keyboard."
It's funny 'cause it's (broadly) true...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 10:01, closed)

I don't think...
"Agent Jones" would have had the same ring to it as "Agent Steve", somehow.
And the thing about fourteen year olds typing with their faces is so sadly true. My sister is fourteen at the moment and whenever she talks to me on msn I just have to do the standard "haha, wow" response since I have no idea what she's on about. Sadly last week apparently she was telling me one of our cats had died, so this response didn't go down too well. Whoops.
(stopmakingmeexplode, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 19:23, closed)

Tee Hee
I cant believe that worked... ahh the simplicity.

*clunk*

My keyboard sucks.
(Pointless as a chavs bathroom, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 0:16, closed)

YOU
... were a genius at the age of 14. I mean, thats just a plain inspired excuse to get rid! I applaud thee!
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 1:55, closed)